Gray Muse

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2011-10-16T15:29:00.001-07:00

Josiah's Birth Story

2011-03-20T19:52:00.000-07:00

Birth Story

I'm writing this out now, while the kids are with Grandma and Jeff and I are still at the birthing center. I think there is more time for this now than there will be later!

So many things worked out as far as timing for this birth. Of course, since my other two were two weeks late, I was not expecting this baby for another month. We had been needing another vehicle to handle three carseats, but needed to wait for tax returns, bonus etc. Once the funds came in, several delays happened. First rotavirus made its rounds at our house. Someone was sick for almost two weeks' time, and Jeff had it for a week, the same week he was required to work 12-hour days (which he DID while sick!). Then he left for a weeklong design conference in Texas. That week was tiring, with no break from the kids and my worsening back pain, plus a busy teaching schedule and a trip to Greenville for a prenatal appointment.

Jeff's return on Thursday was a big relief. I had been feeling tired, not sleeping well, and emotional. Friday Jeff went out and found a wonderful, God-sent deal on a van. Saturday we looked forward to our first "normal" day in a while, with Jeff home and nothing big on the schedule. Friday night, however, I had Braxton Hicks on and off and didn't sleep well. They were not painful, but were continuous. I was sure it was false labor and didn't take them seriously. I taught a piano lesson Saturday morning, still having regular Braxton Hicks. Since they were not going away, I decided to start packing our bags when we returned home from errands that afternoon. I had everything packed by 4:00 and decided to call Amy and see what she thought. She said since they were regular it might mean something, and to slow down, pay attention to how they felt, and call back in an hour. I had a strong contraction that forced me to stop and breathe right before I called her. She said to come on to Greenville since we were 2 hours away. I decided to cut Jeff's hair first as we waited on a load of laundry to dry. (I'm still amazed we actually remembered everything we needed to bring. I had not finished assembling my labor bag ahead of time because I thought I had another month!)

We got the kids packed into our new van and had a comfortable drive up..though through a lightning storm...dropped the kids off with their grandma and arrived at the birthing center around 9:45 pm. I was still feeling fine and was able to talk through contractions. They were strong enough to make me "fuzz out" mentally (Jeff thought I was spacey, but he was still chatting about work stuff, etc., convinced we had weeks to go) but were not what I'd call painful.

Amy checked me and I was 6 centimeters already, with no pain! That amazed me and gave me a positive outlook on this labor (which I had frankly been just not stoked about.) She also checked the baby's position and found his head down, body aligned on the left side, but neck turned facing my stomach (partially posterior). However, since I'd already birthed a baby who was totally posterior with no complications, she was not really concerned. I was finding comfort in the fact that he was early, and therefore probably smaller. In fact, at my last prenatal I had measured 35 weeks instead of 38.

My contractions were just not painful, still. Strong, but not hurting. Jeff and I got settled in to our gorgeously remodeled bed-and-breakfast style birthing suite (how spoiled we are! It is truly gorgeous), I used Hibiclens for my Group B Strep (an antiseptic; alternative to antibiotics and IV) and got a hot shower. Then I sat on the birthing ball and tried to sleep a bit between contractions. They were 7-10 minutes apart. I didn't feel the need for any labor support, so Jeff got some sleep. I was honestly a little bored, walking around totally relaxed in between contractions. I did my makeup because I never have time to take my time and do that with the kids around. (I'm one of those road hazards who applies eye liner at the stop light.) I enjoyed peeking into the other rooms (all remodeled since we had our last here). I kept hoping labor would stay this painless. I've heard of painless births. Rare, but possible. Around 1:30 am Amy peeked in and asked if I'd been able to sleep. I told her no, and that things seemed to be staying the same. She asked me why I wasn't lying on the bed…maybe I could sleep some there. Actually contractions were much more painful on the bed. She suggested that "painful" might mean "progress" so maybe I should try a few contractions on the bed if I'd like to speed things up. I tried it and wow, contractions were much more powerful. By the third, my water broke. I was still feeling fine in between contractions. I woke Jeff and he got Amy. The water breaking was a relief, but after that contractions were stronger and longer. I stayed on the bed on my side and held Jeff's hand during contractions. He said he was amazed I was still making jokes occasionally (Jeff was trying to coach me on my breathing and I just told him "Your breath stinks"). He remembered transition with Lydia and how agonizing that was, and this was nothing like that. I started shaking with cold and excitement (and transition as I guessed later) and a blanket fresh from the dryer felt wonderful. A few contractions later I felt like pushing. I was remembering the effort it took to get Lydia out and was ready to take the bull by the horns and get this over with. I was still on my side and not wanting to move...my legs felt tight and tense…so Amy and Jeff moved me on my back and I started a powerful push that Jeff said would have had him out in seconds. Amy had to slow me down and have me do short pushes. I was just so ready to get him out at that point. I was vocalizing a lot until Amy said to hush so I wouldn't hurt my voice. Josiah's head had turned anterior some time in the labor, so he came out with the correct presentation. I got his head out, then he stuck out one elbow which Amy looped out (still telling me to slow down) and then he was born. I kind of enjoyed the pushing (though it was painful) because I could tell it was actually working, whereas at Lydia's birth it felt I would never be able to push her out because of her posterior position and large size. Once he was born we saw a knot in his umbilical cord. He started making small whimpering noises as soon as he was born. He is a quiet, calm, easy little guy, and nursed well right away. He was born on the first day of spring at 2:56 a.m., under a full moon, and weighed 7 lbs 15 oz, 20.5 inches long.
This third labor was such a surprise as to the timing and the type of labor. Early pains were easy to deal with, and pushing was quick and effective. (I did have pretty bad afterbirth pains this time.) I don't know exactly what causes labor to be painful or not painful, but you just never know what you're going to get until you're in the middle of it. This labor was surprisingly easy, and if I'd been more rested and this were my first baby, I'd end up thinking there was not much to birthing babies!
We'll see how I do when Josiah joins the rest of our tribe and I'm home alone with three. Right now, though, I'm feeling pretty optimistic about this baby thing and…dare I say it…thinking about our next…?

Asheville conference

2011-03-11T13:39:00.000-08:00

Since I can't get Notes to work on FB with my iPad, I'm back to my neglected blog. Maybe I'll keep up better from now on! I'll at least have a birth story to post soon!
This was Jeff's third year going to the Organic Grower's School, a weekend of educational sessions held in Hendersonville in the past and this year in Asheville. I signed up to attend classes Saturday and Jeff, both days. I need all the help with cooking I can get, so the class on Gourmet Cooking in a Flash was appealing, as well as one on French cooking. I also wanted a general overview of the how and why of Permaculture (sustainable living), so signed up for two classes on that.
Cooking classes first:
Gourmet in a Flash:
To be honest I and my family don't have the sophisticated palates for most of the recipes she made, but here is some of the valuable info I took away:
1. BEST idea: fold a regular-sized piece of printing paper lengthwise. Write your grocery list on one side and your meal names for the week on the other. Beside the meal names, write the recipe book and page where each is found. This way you can tell if an item can be substituted...if you find something on sale, or if you want to just try another side item with it or whatever. Also, you can file away a great recipe week and it'll save you planning when you're busy.
2. If you need quick lunches for yourself and a couple kids, make rice or another grain every weekend and add toppings to it throughout the week.
3. Look at what you have on hand and google those ingredients to figure out what you can whip up.

French Cooking:
1. BEST idea: think about how many movements it takes you to reach for things you use every day, like salt or pots and pans. It should take you one movement, two at most, to grab these things. Rearrange your kitchen so that you save yourself time. (I moved my knife block and put the salt and pepper a cabinet closer to the stove.)
2. Get a cutting board that is big enough that you don't feel cramped. (Did this today. I was wasting a lot of time trying to keep everything on my tiny el-cheapo plastic one. When our CSA is in season and I'm blanching tons of veggies, this purchase will be so worth it.)
3. Learn to sharpen your knives, and never use the blade side to scrape food off your cutting board. She gave us a quick demo.
4. Dont be afraid to improvise. Look at cookbooks or internet to see what kinds of ingredients go well together. The teacher actually did this right in class. She didn't have tomatoes for the tomato tart so used apples instead. Apples, herbs, garlic and mustard actually made a tasty dish.
5. Choreograph your meals. Which item takes the longest for prep and cook time? Start that first. Know what you're fixing the night before so you can prep. (Soak the beans, chop some veggies.) This is kind of a "duh" thing but if I don't think it through I inevitably get the timing wrong.
6. Don't be afraid to splurge on a few important ingredients...a good cheese, for example. If what you're making does not satisfy your taste buds, you'll eat more of it in an effort to really "taste" something. She cites "Why French Women Don't Get Fat."

Permaculture:
1. As seen in the current gas crisis and record prices for food, we need to become less dependent on transportation to get us our food. When we find local solutions, we not only have a more dependable food source but we build community.
2. First grow for yourself, then give away surplus to friends, then figure out a way to get rid of surplus. Don't sell to local stores as they'll buy it from you at wholesale prices and mark it up. Look at grocery store prices, undercut a little to give the consumer a deal, then sell at local stands or markets.
3. Plant berries. These are always the first to go at a market. Larger berries are less work to harvest and fill a container, for the same weight and price.
4. You need at least 4-6 hours of sunlight, preferably from 9-4 when light is the strongest, to have decent yields. Less than that, and you'll still get something, but not much.
5. You can cut down muscadines at waist-level and trellis them so you can reach the grapes. Muscadines are the most nutrient-rich and are the easiest to grow of all grapes. They make good jelly and go for high prices in grocery stores.
6. Use your rain barrel to raise a few tilapia! They are hardy and will eat up mosquito larvae.

Urban Permaculture:
The teacher was redesigning the agriculture department at Clemson. He's a master at placing things in the right spot to perform multiple functions. He showed us several back-yard projects he'd done that created food sources and minimized heating and cooling costs.
1. Close in your porch, and ideally have it a few inches lower than the rest of the house, facing the midday sun. Heat rises and will funnel back into the rest of the house.
2. Create curbs to channel roof run-off into a small fishpond. The initial run-off is dirty but can be caught in a downspout that then closes off and lets the clean water run through. His fishpond reflected light onto his sun porch as well, adding more heat.
3. Curbs (and the wet leaves around them) are great earthworm habitats. You can also "inoculate" some logs for shittake mushrooms. The logs need to stay wet, so place them next to the drain curbs.
4. Dig up some of your lawn and plant food. He actually dug up his ENTIRE lawn, which would not work if you have an HOA or picky neighbors. I would have liked to have seen a more aesthetic approach to this...he was big on practicality and not so much on looks. :)

So that's what I learned this past weekend! I'm glad Jeff talked me into going. He actually was out in the snow Sunday while learning to build a mud brick oven, but that's another story.
When you've been out of a classroom for awhile, it sure is nice to have some information tossed at you again, and for $50 a day it was eminently affordable. :)

Advent Calendar Idea

2010-12-02T11:24:00.000-08:00

It's not too late to make a fun advent calendar for the kids. I have a 3-year-old who loves art projects, plus a 17-month-old who doesn't like being left out either. Every morning Benjamin asks me what fun thing we're going to do today. With this calendar and a little brainstorming, I've got an answer for him. The projects I chose had to meet two criteria: 1) very simple and 2) most must be possible with on-hand materials.

The calendar I made is not fancy at all. I used two file folders glued together for a stiff background. Then the kids and I went through old Christmas issues of home & garden magazines. They tore out pictures they thought looked nice, and I cut them out a bit cleaner. Benjamin used the glue stick to put them in place (with some supervision). Then I used cardstock to cut out the number cards. A really cool advent calendar would be interactive and you'd be able to open the cards, but I wasn't that creative. In retrospect I could have done folded number cards with the activity named inside. Ah well. As the days go by I'll cover up each number with a bit of wrapping paper. I hole-punched each card to add yarn (you could use ribbon) to make them look like gift tags. A super-simple advent calendar could be a paper chain with a number on each...you take one off each day.

The crafts:
1. Marshmallow snowman: use a chopstick or stick from the yard. Stick on marshmallows for the body and head. Add toothpick arms and cupcake sprinkle eyes. I used a rubber band for hair to make it a snowgirl. Stick on multiple marshmallows for a snow bug. Add toothpick antennae and arms, and sprinkles for eyes.

2. Window snowflakes: Have the kids color large sheets of tracing paper or regular paper with red and green crayons. (Tracing paper lets more light in from the window). Cut out the snowflakes and let older kids help you tape them to the window. They look surprisingly nice behind a sheer curtain.

3. Paint a wood ornament: Buy a cheap ornament from a craft store like Joann's. Mine were 50 cents each. Let the kids paint them, and hang them from magnets on the fridge. Or you could cut out circles from cardstock and hole punch in some pretty ribbon for a hanger.

4. Handprints wreath: Cut out a wreath shape from cardboard or stiff paper. Let the kids dip their hands in green finger paint and make prints all the way around the circle. Then dip their fingers in red paint so they can make berries. Hang it with ribbon.

5. Ornament and snowflake mobile: Cut out perfect circles by tracing cups of various sizes (older toddlers can help) for ornaments. Let the kids decorate them with crayons or paint, or even glue on scraps of holiday ribbon. Let smaller kids color on a large piece of paper which you will cut up into a snowflake. Hole punch the ornaments and hang them from a coat hanger with yarn. If you're extra crafty you can wind a padded coat hanger around with yarn so it matches your ornaments.

6. Pill bottle snowman: Cover an old pill bottle with glue. Tear apart cotton balls and stick them to the sides. Add a cotton ball on top for a head. Wrap a bit of yarn around the neck for a scarf, glue beads on for buttons, and cut out a little hat from black felt if you feel extra crafty.

7. Sparkly Christmas wreath: This one requires buying some sparkly pipe cleaners, so save it for a time you're going by the craft store anyway. Wrap the pipe cleaners around a circular ring and hang the wreath from the fridge.

8. Bottle cap ornament magnets: Save a couple juice bottle caps and let the kids pick out wrapping paper they like. Cut it out to fit inside the cap and glue it well. Glue a magnet to the back side and stick to the fridge.

9. Q-tip snowflakes: Lay down some wax paper, and get out the Elmer's glue and some Q-tips. Glue the cottony ends together to create snowflakes. Use lots of glue...it will dry translucent. These hold together surprisingly well, and you can hang them in a window or make a mobile. Decorate with glitter if you like.

10. Footprint reindeer: Trace your child's foot (with shoes on). Paint it in with brown paint. Then dip their hands in red paint and let them make two "antlers" coming out of the heel part of the shoe print. The toe end can be decorated with a red nose made from tissue paper or a pom pom. Add eyes and nostrils.

11. Christmas cards: Let the kids help you decorate Christmas cards and envelopes for close loved ones with stickers, markers and crayons.

12. Follow the yarn: Use yarn to make a trail to a special treat that you've wrapped up in multiple boxes. It can be as simple as a piece of candy. The multiple boxes make it more exciting and fun.

13. Make treats: Make gingerbread or another Christmas treat with your kids. If you have Christmas cookie cutters they especially love using those and decorating the cookies with sprinkles or candy.

14. Ok....I haven't finished but I"ll keep adding as I think of more!

Sweater

2010-01-30T19:26:00.000-08:00

I used a very ordinary off-white yarn, nothing special about it. Next time I'll get more creative. For the first time making this sweater, though, I wanted a "skinny" yarn so it would be easy to see if I was getting the pattern right. I really like how it turned out though, and I think Lydia looks cute in it!

Lydda Sweater

2010-01-17T20:42:00.000-08:00

I've almost finished a crochet sweater for Lydia. This is my first time following a pattern through to completion (almost completion, anyway). I don't like to figure out all the technical language, but this was a simple free pattern on lionbrand.com and I'm shocked and pleased that all the dimensions actually look right and the pieces all fit together.
It may be slightly small but we'll see. Can't wait to try it on. Pictures coming.

Room project

2010-01-10T12:59:00.000-08:00

Jeff and I have been working on a mural for Benjamin's Big Kid Room. It turned into a lot bigger project than we originally envisioned, but I think it's going to be pretty cool when finished.

Books for 2009

2010-01-10T12:31:00.001-08:00

This list is going to be a LOT shorter than last year's list! The pace of life has quickened with two kiddos, so my reading has suffered. Anymore I find crafting to be more relaxing than reading (tired brain I guess!), so that's becoming my way to unwind. I've actually started way more books than I finished. If it doesn't grab my attention right away, sorry, it's a tosser. The vagaries of mothering small children. :) Books I especially enjoyed are marked with an asterisk; books I loved, with two.

1. Finished reading the Bible in a year in late January last year

2. Leading with a Limp: Taking Advantage of Your Most Powerful Weakness by Dan B. Allender

*3. John Newton by Jonathan Aitken

4. Mommy Calls by Tanya Reimer Altman, M.D.

5. Why Johnny Can't Preach by T. David Gordon

*6. The Prodigal God: Recovering the Heart of the Christian Faith by Tim Keller

**7. The Princess Bride by William Goldman

**8. A Praying Life by Paul Miller

*9. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When the Stakes Are High by Kerry Patterson

**10. Conquistador: Hernan Cortes, Montezuma, and the Last Stand of the Aztecs by Buddy Levy

11. Happy Spouse, Happy House by Pat Williams and Ruth Williams

Best book I read this year, in terms of enjoyment: "Conquistador." I've been on a historical narrative kick ever since reading "1776." This book is much in that same vein, with not a boring moment. Cortes was brilliant leader and motivator, an audacious planner, and also a morally flawed man who was aided by circumstance (take the smallpox epidemic among the Aztecs, for example). I can't help but see Providence in this improbable, sometimes disgusting, action-packed story that taught me a lot about human nature. Man without God, or an imperfect understanding of Him, is still an amazing reflection of His God, though tragically so because he is fallen.

Best book, in terms of being helpful to me personally: a toss-up between "A Praying Life" and "Crucial Conversations." Miller's book on prayer dared me into the throne room. I saw myself in his description of reasons we don't pray: unbelief, guilt, wondering if God really wants to hear us anyhow. This book is like a good spring cleaning to get rid of the cobwebs and dust in your prayer life. "Crucial Conversations" was sometimes painful to read, and a lot of the information I was not yet ready to process, but it was self-revealing, and that is always helpful. The most helpful soundbyte I took from the book was "stop and think about the patterns of behavior you're exhibiting in pressured situations. Now take the time to put the brakes on the instant response of anger or blame or whatever it is you jump to, and choose a better response."

That's 2009 in terms of books. :)

If you can't sleep, blog...

2009-09-16T22:32:00.000-07:00

A mug of coffee that I worked on throughout the day is responsible for this update, which I'm writing at 2 a.m. :)

It's been a couple of months since my last post. Lydia is now 3 months old and starting to sit up a little, grasp at things, and is smiling the sweetest, most friendly smile. She still loves her bath, gets wide-eyed with excitement (and probably some alarm, as well) when Benjamin's around, and is thankfully settling happily into the fall schedule. We had a bout with her refusing the bottle but it only lasted a couple days.

The music academy is back into full swing and I'm teaching 3 days a week, about 5 hours each day (plus another hour for travel time). I'm blessed with an excellent advanced student this year and have been enjoying hearing some of the more difficult repertoire (some Gershwin, Debussy, Mozart, Grieg...beautiful stuff), and also enjoying the little beginners and the various levels in between...plus my faithful guitar students, many of whom have been with me going on three years. I learn so much from them and enjoy the interaction with each one. I was remarking to Jeff the other day how much fun all my students are this year. They are so disciplined, dedicated and friendly and are just a pleasure to work with. I've had the other kind, too, so that makes me extra thankful!

We had a few weeks of extreme excitement for us Hobbit-like homebodies...a houseguest from the wilds of New Zealand (not actually sure he's from the wilds, actually he's from Wellington, but he was still quite an exotic native to us). John is a friend of Jeff's cousin and came highly recommended to us as a houseguest in need of a place to stay while he conducted research at Emory. He's studying modern literature and pursuing his doctorate, and Emory houses a collection of works by the poet he's studying. It worked out perfectly for Jeff to take him with him to work since he drives right past Emory. It was a little crazy that John's coming coincided with the first week of Academy lessons and a visit to the pediatrician gone horribly wrong (more on that later), but things settled in eventually and we enjoyed having him here very much.

The terrible twos have begun a little early. Benjamin, my sweet, obedient, sensitive child (ok, sometimes he is) pitched a quite impressively long fit in the doctor's office. Lydia was there for a checkup, and either Benjamin did not like a stranger touching his "Lydda," or he just didn't like the attention she was getting...I'm not sure. In any case, he screamed, raged, balled up his little fists, and generally conducted himself like a drunken Irishman. The visit ended with a lecture about keeping Lydia safe from her brother and me close to tears and ready to give Benjamin the "talk" of his life. I've since learned that children have a remarkable gift for saving any unsociable behavior to the place where it will have the most effect, i.e., in public in an already tense situation (Lydia screaming, perfect time to do something crazy!)

I've been learning that mothering two children is incredibly sweet and rewarding, and also that I need God's help like I never needed it before. I'm also learning what to let go and what is absolutely not important, such as the dusting that has not been done since Lydia was born. I'm trying to remind myself every day that it is the time spent with the kids they will remember, not whether Mom had her act completely together.

Even with the two kids and the chaos that ensues, I've found some time to rediscover and learn some Debussy pieces and start reading The Chronicles of Narnia in Spanish...a fun way to keep up the Spanish skills that have been rapidly disappearing since college. I need to find more time for Bible reading as well, and somewhere in there I should fit in another mothering/childcare book. But if it gets done, it gets done...not stressing about anything if I can avoid it.

So...that's my caffeine-induced blogpost for the month. :)

Adjusting

2009-07-15T10:13:00.000-07:00

Lydia at 3 weeks, already 10 lbs. 8 oz.

Sweet girl.

Benjamin helps with the bath.

Getting used to caring for two little ones definitely has its challenges. It's workable, though, and Benjamin has really risen to the occasion and is becoming a big boy before my eyes.

The night I went into labor Benjamin went to bed without a fuss and this trend has (pretty much) continued. He seems to understand that I can't hold him as much, and though it sometimes makes him sad that I can't hold two kids, he doesn't fuss too much about it. He loves Lydia and gets this protective, adoring smile on his face when he first sees her in the morning. He loves to give her kisses on the head. Don't get me wrong, he also sometimes wants to sit on her. (To keep her company.) But generally he's turning out to be a sweet big brother.

Lydia is still an easy baby most of the time, though she's showed us in the last few weeks that she's not exactly an Angel Baby. Still, she responds to comforting, and when she's out of control all she needs is a good tight swaddling. She is still sleeping 5 hours through the night with no fussing. Jeff and I are both getting more sleep than we did in Benjamin's early days.

The prospect of taking both kids with me anywhere is frankly pretty frightening to me. I had been freaking out all week that today I needed to take Lydia in for a hearing test at a Children's Rehab center 30 minutes away. As it turned out, Jeff had a doctor's appointment this morning and went into work late, so he watched Benjamin for me. I'm still not sure how that first "both kids" outing is going to pan out. I did get brave and took both of them for a walk around the neighborhood this morning. Benjamin held onto the stroller and pretended to push while Lydia slept. He did great. She did great. I was actually wearing makeup and jeans instead of pjs. It was a huge self-image boost. :D

I almost forgot a big piece of news...potty training has begun! It's the absolute worst timing according to the books...new baby and upheaval and all that...but Benjamin himself started it. He pulled off his diaper one day and I decided to see how he did going diaperless while he was downstairs. (There is no carpet to ruin.) He went right to the potty when I suggested it and used it. He continued that the rest of the day and there were no messes as long as I reminded him. We've had a few accidents since then because I'm now trying underwear, and he sometimes forgets if he's wearing a diaper or undies, but I think we're well on our way to buying diapers for only one child....hooray!

Birth Story

2009-06-17T16:29:00.001-07:00

This time around I really thought I'd have a repeat of Benjamin's birth story, but things took a turn and it ended quite differently!

Once again, I found myself waiting and waiting for labor to begin. This time though, I was operating under a deadline, since the doctor that previously worked with my midwife was no longer at the center, and the midwife could not make the decision on her own to let me go postdates. As the date got closer, she reassured me that if I went over, I could finish my labor at the center after being induced at the hospital. The other option was getting one of her consulting physicians to change my dates, though this was unlikely since I had had an early ultrasound.

I was praying hard that Lydia would come in time, and trying everything possible to make it happen. If black and blue cohosh were addictive, I'd be a user by now! I did the every-twenty-minutes regimen for three hours at a time, on three different occasions. I used evening primrose oil every night for the last week. I also got myself into shape with the treadmill, evening and morning walks, and hikes. I explored every aisle in the local Walmart. I mowed the lawn. All this activity had me working up a sweat, but no contractions worth mentioning.

My midwife kept saying she'd like me and Jeff to come in to the center to try an all-morning routine of natural induction measures. That sounded like it might work, but it kept being postponed due to her packed schedule of problem patients and births. She simply couldn't fit it in. Saturday of my 42nd week passed, then Sunday. I knew Tuesday would be the magic 42 weeks, and we'd need to schedule an induction on Monday. I talked with my midwife on Monday morning. "Well, today's your day," she said. She recommended the cohosh, pumping and walking for 3 hours, and also getting a chiropractic adjustment in case the baby was hung up somehow and not engaging the pelvis. I practically ran on the treadmill for the 3 hours, talking to Lydia the whole time about how we needed to get going. Then I went to the chiropractor, who told me my hips were tilted very far forward and misaligned. I called my midwife again that afternoon to report the lack of progress and she told me to try the last resort....castor oil. I took half the dosage around 4 pm and the other half at 5.

Nothing happened...no diarrhea or nausea...but by evening (around 8:30) while watching Cars with Benjamin, I noticed some light contractions. After putting him to bed at 9:30 I realized they were regular. Nah, it can't be, I thought. I've spent the last three weeks imagining my Braxton Hicks are labor. I went to bed and tried to sleep but was too uncomfortable.

So I settled in the living room for an all-night vigil. I was familiar with this from Benjamin's birth. Just like before, contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and just hard enough to keep me from sleeping. I did a lot of internet surfing and some pacing. Around midnight I had some slight effects from the castor oil but nothing like the horror stories I'd heard. I started reading up on false labor for some reason and learned that some women have slightly painful, non-productive contractions (enough to disrupt sleep) for weeks before labor. Many midwives suggested taking Nyquil or a little wine to allow sleep. Finally I decided this was exactly what I was experiencing (false labor) and quit worrying and tried to sleep. I drifted off around 5 a.m. and was awakened by sounds in the kitchen around 7. I realized my contractions had stopped completely. At least I had SOME news to tell my midwife, though. I called her and she told me to come in at 9 for yet another adjustment with a chiropractor specialist.

We went and I had the adjustment. After that I had an appointment with my midwife and she told me, to my great surprise, that I was at 5 cm. and had a very favorable cervix. That was encouraging...it had been a relatively painless trip to 5 cm.! However, we still needed to reckon with my completely stopped labor. She told us to check in and start doing cohosh and walking again. She also brought out an electric double breast pump. Jeff and I jokingly called it The Inducer. (That thing worked so well that I expressed half an ounce of bright orange colostrum.) The contractions started again around 12 noon, but I had to work to get each one by walking very vigorously and pumping. They were 10 minutes apart and weak. These continued but gradually whittled down to 8 minutes apart over the next 5 hours. By 5:45 I was exhausted and convinced that I was just in false labor and would never progress. I felt so discouraged and the accumulated stress of waiting and wondering every day for the previous month (ever since my false labor episode) seemed to settle like a black cloud over me. I was tired of doing things to make labor happen. I just gave up and decided I needed a nap and didn't care what happened afterward.

That's when things took a turn. My theory is that the hormones from a good, relaxing cry, combined with nightfall coming on (my midwife has theories about that one) kicked things into gear. Perhaps too, simply giving up control of the labor experience helped. My next two contractions were only 5 minutes apart.

The contractions became gradually longer, stronger and less far apart over the next two hours. At first I liked the rocking chair (same good ol' chair I spent so many hours in during labor with Benjamin) and did well there. I got very cold at one point and had Jeff cover me up. The midwife came in and checked on me and warmed up a blanket in the dryer for me. Things were finally starting to happen.

This time counting through contractions didn't appeal to me. My sensations of the actual point of pain of the contraction were so much clearer this time. I didn't feel a general area of pain; instead it was almost like I could visualize my cervix being stretched. I felt and thought of them as muscle stretches and visualized the "turtleneck" image of the cervix coming over the baby's head. The contractions were quite strong, but not sharply painful.

Then transition began. I had been chatting with the midwife and Jeff between contractions and simply stopping to close my eyes when contractions came. So far I hadn't made a peep and was coping just fine though they were strong. Transition hit and it was like riding a fast-moving escalator. 2 minutes apart with a 1 minute contraction, then quickly 1:30 with a one minute, and then they were coming with one minute of hard pain and one of rest. I was too immobile in the chair and felt I needed gravity to assist me. I stood up and put my arms around Jeff's neck in the "labor dance" position. I couldn't talk at all and moaned softly through each one. Then I felt I needed to get on all fours to relax my legs and let my abdomen be loose. I crawled onto the bed and had five agonizing contractions. Jeff was about to get the midwife, but before he could go I felt a sudden pop and was soaked to my knees...my water broke all over the bed! That gave temporary relief but I knew now this labor was out of control and would be happening very quickly. Jeff ran to get the midwife from the next room and by then I was writhing, "in the throes" as she put it. Unlike my rational and somewhat detached state of mind at Benjamin's birth, I was laboring this time in a confusing whirlwind. I learned at that point that there are many different kinds of labors!! This one was a wild ride that was happening way too fast. I didn't want anyone to touch me, but I knew they had to clean up the water and get rid of my soaking pjs. That got done and then the dreaded check. When she said I was ready to push, I wasn't at all surprised. Transition had lasted about 20 minutes. There was some conversation about needing to call someone named Jessica and bringing the camera and I just really wished everyone would hush and let me concentrate. They asked if we wanted pictures, and in an effort to end the annoyance of conversation I said "Sure." (I wasn't sure I wanted the pictures, but probably later we'll be glad we have them!)

Pushing was not the strong, empowering feeling I experienced with Benjamin's birth. It was a desperate attempt to end this crazy labor! The first few contractions were so strong I couldn't remember to push effectively and pushed all up in my chest. After some eye-to-eye refocusing and coaching from the midwife I did better. I don't think I'll ever forget the animal intensity of pushing through the 5 contractions it took to get the baby's head out. Somewhere in there she checked the baby's heartbeat, and, horrifyingly, it was weak and very unsteady. I registered that clearly in all the labor noise and thought, "That's it...she's coming out. No holding back." I pushed HARD...I'm not even sure I had a contraction, I just pushed back to back for all I was worth. Jeff was a wonderful encouragement here. He kept telling me, "almost there...there's her head...you're doing great..." If he hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known when her head was out, because it didn't feel much different. The midwife told me, "now on this next one, you're done." It was actually kind of hard to get the body out, instead of the effortless slippery slide that was Benjamin.

So, she was out, covered with vernix and with a head full of thick, black hair. I felt her little limbs and couldn't think much past "that was crazy, and now I feel fine, just like that!" Things went from a life-and-death intensity to complete calm in a split second. It took me a few minutes to come down from the adrenaline. I was wide awake and wanted to see the cord and the placenta and everything. Lydia came out completely calm and alert and started nursing right away. She's a quiet, easy-going baby with nothing like the volume Benjamin showed the minute he came out and ever since then! She seemed completely unaffected by all the hullaballoo of a bumpy labor.

It wasn't until afterward that my midwife told me how amazed she was at my luck, or rather how blessed I had been. Lydia was a posterior presentation, facing the wrong way (face toward my belly instead of toward my back). All the textbooks say this presentation is usually accompanied by severe back labor and a very long pushing time. I had not a hint of back labor, and a far quicker pushing time than my previous anterior birth. And even with the difficult presentation, I had not torn in the least.

I feel very fortunate considering the details of this birth. I got the peaceful, unmedicated birth I wanted, just in the nick of time. Though the fact that Lydia was posterior could have caused complications and prolonged pushing time, it did not seem to affect my labor at all, and pushing time was anything but prolonged. I should have torn with a posterior baby, but fared even better than with Benjamin....not even a scratch. I can't say anything except that God is good and merciful to me when I don't deserve it. My birth experience follows in the theme of the biography of John Newton: God's providence, and His delight in pulling back the curtain just a little to show us what potential problems He is protecting us from. I know he had me wait until the last minute so He could show me His mercy toward me and care for me. My midwife told me later that she had been praying for me, and God gave her peace that I would not go postdates and all would be well. Thus her confidence in telling me "today's your day!" I don't doubt that sometimes God in His providence has us go through painful situations we would rather avoid, and when that happens He also gives us grace to handle it, and shows us things about Himself that we couldn't have learned any other way. But other times He just breaks in on our worry and dilemma with clear sunshine, like fog lifting, and makes us wonder at our lack of faith.

Praise You God for a wonderful, crazy, powerful birth after such a long season of waiting. The little girl you gave us was well worth the wait!

Early Labor

2009-06-15T20:02:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if it was the herbs this morning, or the chiropractic adjustment, or the castor oil (which has not yet affected my stomach b/t/w) but I am in early labor. I sang Benjamin to sleep around 9:15 and he made not a peep...unusual for him. Then I started to notice the contractions were fairly regular.
Not one day too soon. :)
Yay for no induction. They're 30 seconds long and only about 3 minutes apart, but I learned my first time around that that doesn't mean anything. I tend to start out with very little time between.
Baby Lydia will be here soon!

13 days late

2009-06-15T15:25:00.000-07:00

Today I took black and blue cohosh again every 20 minutes while walking fast on the treadmill...kept this up for 3 hours. Then at the suggestion of my midwife I went in to a chiropractor for an adjustment to help align the spine and pelvis, allowing the baby to move down further.
Tonight I took castor oil in two doses...2 oz. with orange juice and a pinch of baking soda, followed by crackers. I did one dose at 4 and the other at 5. Nothing's happening yet. It would be too funny...okay, not funny...if I have absolutely no reaction to castor oil!

11 days late

2009-06-13T16:14:00.000-07:00

Tried taking blue and black cohosh tinctures today to speed things along. Took 2,000 ml of each with a swish of water, every 20 minutes, while also walking and pumping. I did this for 3 hours. I got a few contractions out of the deal, but alas, nothing that felt stronger than anything I would have gotten exercising normally. Cohosh is nasty stuff!

We did have a nice complimentary dinner (thanks MIL!) at Cracker Barrel tonight and I had the spicy grilled fish, and the yummy fried apples. There's nothing quite like a no-holds-barred, buttered-up, down-home meal.

Tuesday is 42 weeks and "time's up" for a nice peaceful birthing center delivery. Tomorrow I try the dreaded castor oil...though at this point I'm wondering if it will have any effect! At least if I need to be medically induced, I can finish up my labor at the center. At this point I'm really ready to have it over with!

Yay, no surgery.

2009-06-08T18:10:00.001-07:00

Jeff's infection started responding to the third dose of antibiotics, so it looks like surgery will not be necessary. They said it was most likely MRSA so I'm relieved it's not so resistant to antibiotics to be untreatable. He has another checkup next Monday.
I see my midwife tomorrow so we'll see what's going on with the baby (or not going on). Tomorrow she'll be a week late.

Strange Turn of Events!

2009-06-06T20:18:00.000-07:00

It should be interesting to see how the timing of everything plays out...

On the way to Gville Friday night, Jeff noticed that his elbow felt kind of sore. He didn't think much of it but the aching started to get worse through the evening and it turned red and swollen. Mom G and I were looking concerned so he figured he'd better go to the emergency room. We thought it might be a spider bite, because he had a couple of pin-prick marks on his elbow.

Hoping it wasn't a brown recluse (especially after seeing the gross pictures on the medical help site), he went in and was told it was an infection of the cells in his skin. The bite marks were old, so if a spider had bitten him, he would have noticed something much earlier. They prescribed a mild antibiotic and told him to use a marker to circle the area so he could tell if it had spread.

By this morning it had doubled in size and was still hot to the touch and fiery red. He kept taking the meds hoping they would help, but by dinner it was no better so he went in again.

The attending physician has had the same exact problem (even in his arm) and diagnosed it as a staph infection that may have been caused by a bug bite (carrying the staph germs) or even by bumping his arm. Probably the bug bite since he has those little holes in his elbow. They gave him much stronger antibiotics through an IV and he's taking more orally. And, he has to schedule surgery later this week with an orthopedic surgeon to remove the inflammation on the bursa. Thankfully the infection has not spread to the lymph nodes, which could be really dangerous.

Now for the providence part, which we didn't even think of until we prayed together tonight!

Jeff just happened to notice it on his way to Gville, where he could have some help and be with family. If it had happened in Atlanta, he probably first of all wouldn't have gone to the emergency room and second of all would have had no help with the surgery etc. I would have worried myself sick :) and he may have ended up having surgery in Atlanta while I had the baby here...crazy!

The doctor attending Jeff had the same exact problem and diagnosed it quickly. He also was a friend and colleague of Jeff's uncle. Talk about expert and personal care.

The baby is late, which (may) turn out to be a convenient thing. Still waiting for the verdict on that one and whether or not surgery will coincide with birthing...please no :) But there is already so much evidence that God's hand is in this that I can't really worry about that.

Though I've been second-guessing my wisdom in coming out to Greenville to wait for a birth, now I am VERY glad we are where we are, and will have Jeff's mother to help us out! With Jeff partly incapacitated and Benjamin being as active as he is....well, it's just working out very well. And, I'm even thankful we came up as early as we did, much as I've felt a bit displaced and homesick. Benjamin has had plenty of time to adjust his high-strung little temperament to living at Grandma's and they're becoming best of friends.

We've both been reading a biography of John Newton (writer of Amazing Grace). One of the themes of his life was God's providence, and he often used examples of it in his own life to encourage others and to thank God. He said that, even when we think things are going fine and we have nothing to fear, God is protecting us in myriads of ways. Every so often He pulls back the curtain just an inch so we can see how much His goodness is guiding and planning and putting a hedge about us. I can honestly thank God for this situation because it reminds me of His care for us.

Baby update

2009-06-05T13:19:00.000-07:00

Due date was Tuesday and still no baby. Everything seems fine though. She's still very active. Amy estimates she's not huge, smaller than Benjamin when he was born, so maybe about 7 pounds. I got some bloody show/mucous plug on Wednesday, but after doing some reading I'm realizing that doesn't mean labor is impending. It could be up to two weeks away. At least I know I'm dilated 2 cm and the cervix is favorable. If nothing happens by next weekend, I will try black and blue cohosh. Ideally it's best to wait until the baby decides to come on her own, but Amy can't deliver for me if I go past 42 weeks (trying not to think that far ahead!). I was really letting the waiting get to me earlier this week, but really the baby is only 3 days late, and there is no need to try anything extreme yet.
I took stock again of my labor supplies and washed Lydia's first outfit...it's so tiny! Can't wait to have a baby to put in it.

Still Waiting!

2009-05-30T10:11:00.001-07:00

Tuesday, June 2nd, will be my due date. It's weird...I'm actually having fewer BH and nothing seems to be happening. Only change is I've started feeling slightly nauseated mid-morning.
We're doing well camped out here in Greenville. Jeff's mom has been great. We've worked out a schedule with Benjamin where he plays in his pool on the porch, plays with his Matchbox cars, and goes for walks with Mom and Gma in the evening. Jeff is here this weekend, and Benjamin is overjoyed to be able to spend time with his Daddy!
It would be just perfect if the baby could come this weekend. However, I keep reminding myself that God's timing is best!

Belly Shot 38 wks

2009-05-19T12:19:00.000-07:00

It really is true what they say about swallowing watermelon seeds. :)

Discoveries

2009-05-15T01:56:00.000-07:00

Since I'm sure that soon a lot of my time and attention will be focused on the newest little one, I thought I'd do a post now about how amazing life already is watching Benjamin grow up! I never knew how much fun it could be to watch him discover the world. Bugs (and the words for them...there's generic "bug," "moth," "blie"--butterfly--"beetle," "pider" and "ant") became and still are a fascination a few months ago. How amazing for him to realize the little black dots on the ground move! The squeals of excitement make us as parents appreciate how amazing God's world is all over again.
Yesterday it was frogs. We had a good rain, and we could hear the frogs calling to each other. Then we saw a big 3-inch toad on the patio. More squeals of excitement as he watched it hop! We found a little inch-long toad and he held it on his hand (and we loved watching the conflicting desires to run away or scream in delight play out on his face!)
Sounds are another source of delight and discovery. The school bus comes through our neighborhood 4 times a day. Then there's the trash truck on Wednesdays and Thursdays. He hears them and asks me, "Hee? Hee?" which is his way of asking to go see. (He has trouble with initial "s" sounds.) There's the magical moment when I opened a window and we heard the rat-a-tat of a woodpecker. I hopped on youtube and showed him a video of woodpeckers busily pecking at a tree. Now one of his favorite things to do is tap with his fingers on a flat surface or make the sounds himself. Last week we heard the beautiful song of a whipporwill at dusk. It was so loud, right outside our door! I haven't shown him what one looks like (you rarely see them anyway, they're so shy!) but he knows it's a bird. Of course dogs barking have been a favorite for a while now, and he knows what an "ambulance truck" sounds like.
Benjamin is a talker. Jeff and I counted up how many words he can say (or sort of say.) It's 185 and counting! He's also a little actor, as we're finding out. He'll pick up his toy bus and then put it down as if it's really, really heavy, huffing and puffing and sagging his shoulders like a jock who just made the winning goal and is trying to look nonchalant. When he's trying mightily to communicate some word I don't quite understand, he'll let his arms fall to his sides, roll his eyes a little, and sigh in frustration.
The hyperactivity we sometimes saw there has started to give way to some self-control. (Yay!) Last night he had a bit of a meltdown while I was teaching a piano lesson at home. Jeff tried in vain to calm him, and then finally just stuck him in his crib and calmly told him to stop crying, and then they could go have fun. He struggled and then got control of himself (he was exhausted...no nap...busy day). He's becoming easier to take places, since he'll obediently hold my hand while we walk across the parking lot or wait in line.
Having kids really is a source of fresh delight every day. They are like little flowers slowly opening. You think each stage is amazing in itself, and then they surprise you with an even more delightful one.
Of course, I'm remembering Benjamin's first three months of life and (I have to admit!) hoping our next baby is more settled and less in pain than he was, but when the tough times do come, I'll know from experience that they give way to times of wonder and delight!

Not the real thing!

2009-05-10T04:12:00.001-07:00

Well, the contractions continued until I went to bed, but were gone in the morning. I guess things are back to normal! I did pack my bags though in case it starts again. We're getting excited. :)

False labor? Hopefully.

2009-05-08T13:42:00.001-07:00

After running errands this morning, I noticed the Braxton Hicks were more than just noticeable, they were making me stop and sit down. I drank lots of water, lay down and called Jeff. Benjamin and I hung out outside while he played with bugs and his dirt pot and I sat on the lawn chair. Now they've subsided in intensity but are still there.
I think it's false labor but I'm definitely going to pack my bags just in case. I might pull a Kimberly and miss my shower tomorrow! I hope not.

Shower pics

2009-05-07T11:44:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we drove to Sumter for a shower. It was SO much fun and so nice to see everyone again! Here are some pictures (more on Elizabeth's blog).

Baby Update

2009-05-07T11:35:00.000-07:00

I think this one won't be late. I had a checkup today and the baby has dropped and I'm 2 cm. Of course that doesn't mean anything really...many people walk around for two weeks at 2 cm, but then again it could mean something. I was carrying this baby low anyway, and now it feels like she's in my lap! I've lost two pounds, which sometimes happens in the last month. And...the Group B test came back positive, but I feel pretty sure we can get rid of it before the birth (we were successful with Benjamin).

It will be interesting to see how things turn out with the timing!

35 weeks and counting!

2009-04-28T07:27:00.000-07:00

It won't be long now! I have a feeling this one won't be two weeks late like Benjamin...I've been having Braxton Hicks every time I do anything mildly strenuous.
I've had a pain-free pregnancy (after the first trimester nausea) up until last week. The baby has been hammocked with her head on one side and feet on the other for a long time. Two weeks ago she moved head down...an odd experience since I could actually tell she was doing a huge somersault. Now that she's head down the pelvic and leg pain has started. It's still not so bad that I have trouble with stairs, like I did with Benjamin. It's just an occasional uncomfortable nerve-pinching pain when I move the wrong way. Still, I'm very thankful our little girl has been kind enough not to "get on my nerves" for the entire pregnancy until now. :D
Benjamin's dropped his afternoon nap, alas. Since I really need that nap with him in the mornings, I'm getting less done in the way of Bible readings, blogging...all those quiet activities that require no interruptions. But, Benjamin's a little trooper at playing by himself downstairs while I cook or clean. He's loving the warm weather and spends as much time as possible outside playing in his dirt pot. He loves to dig around while Jeff tends to his garden.
Only two more weeks of teaching, so unless the baby comes early, I'll have two weeks to nest and get things ready. :) Just in case she's early though, I'm gathering birthing supplies. I think we're in for another active baby, judging from her movements in the womb, so I'm trying to enjoy time with Jeff and Benjamin now before things get too crazy!
I'm looking forward to the shower in SC this weekend!

Weeping Cherry

2009-03-15T11:20:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday, Jeff surprised me with a weeping cherry. I've had a terrible yen for one for the last, oh five years or so. I love weeping willows, and a tree that flowers as well...well, that's just about perfect.
We tried ordering one a couple years back from a catalog, but it turned out to be just a dead stick. Of course, I suppose it's possible we killed it. After that I resigned myself to not having one since they're pretty pricey if you buy them live and thriving and a decent teenager-tree size.
Jeff went by Lowe's for another gardening supply trip and saw one in bloom. He felt overcome with the idea that he should get it for me. He somehow fit it in the Bug (!) and got it in the ground and everything while I was at work. The next morning, I saw it outside the window, but thought it was in the neighbor's yard...and figured, oh well, at least I get to look at it. Then I realized it was in our yard and it was Jeffrey's doing.
I love my weeping cherry. Makes me happy every time I see it! And I like the idea that it will be a "remembrance tree" of my pregnancy with our little girl. :D
Thanks sweetie.

Belly Shot

2009-03-07T12:49:00.001-08:00

This is at 26 weeks. Just three whole months left...it's hard to believe! I was just talking to Jeff about the difference between my first pregnancy and this one. It's not as exciting since it's not a first, but it's also not as stressful. At 25 weeks last pregnancy we were in the middle of turmoil about switching practices and wondering how all that would work out. It's a relief to have that all settled this time. I had my checkup with Amy on Thursday and all seems fine. No heart problems this time! I was a little worried about weight gain, since I've already gained 25 lbs. She thinks I most likely need to gain a little more than the standard 25-35 during pregnancy. We figured out I'm right on track if I gain a pound a week until delivery to be at the same weight I was at delivery before. I'm certainly not starving this little girl. It seems I'm always eating! I had no cravings first trimester, but they have hit just in the last couple weeks. Must be a growth spurt. :)

More Crafty Stuff

2009-02-20T17:35:00.000-08:00

I finished three baby hats for The Girl, one for Benjamin with sweet ear flaps, and the brown throw that I've been working on forever. Also a yellow and blue scarf for a stuffed rabbit, which Benjamin is sort of attached to but not really. He's not one to carry around a "lovey," but he does enjoy inspecting its eyes and ears and tossing it out of his crib :) The scarf makes it go well in his very yellow nursery!
I liked how the ear flap hat turned out and probably will be making some more.

Finally Done

2009-02-01T11:54:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post to say I just finished reading the Bible in a year!! Well, a little over a year. I was way behind but doubled up to finish before January was over. Now I'm starting again.

I just discovered the possibility of listening to my daily readings using the downloadable MP3 on the ESV Chronological Reading Guide. The readings are not dramatized, just plain and simple and easy to listen to. I like turning one on as I crochet during one of Benjamin's naps. It's a great way to multitask and get those readings in. I'm not an aural learner, but it is easy for me to follow along when I'm doing something else with my hands.

Recently Benjamin has created his own "quiet crib time." When he's looking tired, I put him in there with some toys and go in the next room to check email or do readings. I check on him every few minutes, and eventually he falls asleep by himself. This is such a change from before and so nice!

Craft Phase Returns

2009-01-22T08:18:00.001-08:00

Early pregnancy has not been good for my creative side. I have actually felt nauseated whenever I thought of crocheting. I'm not sure if it was the smell of the fisherman's wool I was using or what, but I really felt like I'd never crochet again and wouldn't miss it. Sewing...same thing. Just no inspiration.
But I picked up the hook and yarn last week and quickly made Benjamin a brown hat (just like the one in the photo on the right bar, only bigger). That was kind of fun so I started a throw from the leftover brown yarn. It should be nice draped across the bedroom easy chair.
Now I'm thinking about making a maternity skirt. I found this tutorial online: http://apatchworkworld.blogspot.com/2007/08/how-to-make-maternity-skirt.html but instead of cutting up a skirt I'll make a simple A-line and add the panel.
One of these days I'd like to start making a few baby girl things. Definitely a couple of hats and some of the easy T-shirt pants I made Benjamin, and maybe I'll get brave and try a dress.
I'll post pictures as I make some progress on these projects.

Benjamin is talking more and more and understands so much of what we say. His new phase is climbing (finally!). He was never a great climber but in the last week has conquered chairs, the cedar trunk barrier (rats!) and his sturdy cardboard box. He's getting good at the stairs, but knows not to go down "without Mommy." He's also in the yelling phase. He thinks loud shrieks are pretty funny. And, he's starting to help. He LOVES unloading the silverware from the dishwasher. It's a game to see how many spoons or forks he can fit in his hands at once. Then he insists on throwing them in the drawer (which he can barely reach) himself. I always save the silverware tray for him, even if he's napping, because he loves it so much! Now, if I could get him to love picking up his toys and books. :)

Ultrasound pics

2009-01-10T17:14:00.001-08:00

This is another active one, at least judging by her behavior during the ultrasound! She's about 9 inches long from head to foot. I updated my baby ticker; you can see it at the foot of the page if you scroll all the way down.

I squealed once we got out of the doctor's office. I can't believe we're having a girl. Suspecting it is one thing, knowing for sure is another!

I don't know why it was any different from before, but this time around I could tell everything we were looking at. The face looked like a face, etc. Of course, the 3D is pretty clear. The technician said usually they look awful at this stage and the 3D doesn't turn out as well. (Not sure why they look bad...covered in vernix maybe?) Anyway, everything looks normal and healthy. We're so excited! Jeff's mom pulled out some pink outfits for us and it was pretty touching for Jeff and I both to see them and realize a little person is going to be wearing those. A little GIRL.

It's a Girl!

2009-01-10T08:29:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we did the ultrasound. Sure enough, it's a girl! And, I have a new due date...June 1st. Everything looks normal and they even got a good 3D shot of the face. It's hard to tell what she'll look like, but I think she'll be precious. :)I'm still not sure how good we'll be at raising a girl, but we'll figure it out!
I'll scan the face shots and post them when I get a chance.

Gender Hinder, and The Holidays

2009-01-03T05:07:00.000-08:00

Latest news on the Mystery Baby: ultrasound has been postponed because of scheduling difficulties until January 9th. Hopefully then we will find out 1) the gender and 2) an approximate due date. I am measuring 21 centimeters. Centimeters correspond roughly to weeks, so I'm about 4 months along. (I know, 20 weeks=5 months, but 40 weeks=10 months, so I'm actually just 4 months pregnant. Ugh, why does it have to be so confusing?)

We had a great holiday despite The Virus, which goes in two stages--smacking you upside the head twice. First the vomiting, then diarrhea. We were finally all over it by Christmas Eve, but not so much over it that we avoided passing it on to Jeff's mom and grandmom. We kept our germy selves in Greenville for an extra two days, not wanting to risk spreading it to my folks. Fortunately no one got sick there.

Benjamin really seemed to enjoy the holiday visits. He discovered squirrels at Jeff's mom's house, and enjoyed the neighborhood dogs as well as the donkey and mules down the road. He had fun taking a walk with Grandma and playing with the Little People she keeps at her house for him. At my parents' he enjoyed seeing real chickens (not just the ones on this sweet youtube video.) He was not at all scared of the horse and enjoyed feeding him carrots and apples. My dad loved taking him outside whenever he begged for it and letting him see the chickens once again!! Ella and Benjamin enjoyed riding in Ella's little red wagon. She pulled him most of the time. Benjamin was very interested in baby Caleb and touched him very gently on the head while we watched. Laura is doing a great job handling two little ones. Will and I had a rare moment of duo guitar playing. He had found the words to an old piece my grandparents used to play years ago. It was wonderful to make music together. I'm always wishing we lived closer to Laura and Will. We had some time with Laurance and Kimberly as well after they returned from visiting her parents. Jonathan and Benjamin did not quite know what to make of each other but they were definitely fascinated. Jonathan gave Benjamin a kiss and, boy, I wish I had had a videocamera to capture his expression. Indignation and surprise were written all over his face! Jonathan is a sweetie and has grown so much.

We're finally back home and it feels like we've been gone forever, though it was only 10 days. The first thing Benjamin did when he was back in his nursery was point at everything and open his drawers and closet. He even wanted to be put in his crib, where he hung out for some time. I think he's glad to be home!

Books for 2008

2009-01-02T07:45:00.000-08:00

Jeff told me I should catalog the books I've read for 2008. He keeps a running list for me on Keynote with the book read and month finished. As Benjamin gets older and more mobile, my list begins to shrink! I put an asterisk by books I especially enjoyed.

L'Abri by Edith Schaeffer

* Singing Wheels by Alice and Jerry Brooks

A Life That Says Welcome by Karen Ehman

* Grace Like a River by Christopher Parkening

Too Small to Ignore: Why Children are the Next Big Thing by Wes Stafford

1066 and All That by W.C. Sellar and R.J. Yeatman

* Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver

To Train Up a Child by Michael Pearl

Mauritius Command by Patrick O'Brian

Infant Massage by Vimala McClure

The Attachment Parenting Book by William and Martha Sears

* Mayflower: A Story of Courage, Community, and War by Nathaniel Philbrick

Heritage of Britain by A.L. Rowse

* The Woman in White by Wilke Collins

* Sir Gawain and the Green Knight by Anonymous

* Pamela by Samuel Richardson

The Making of England by C. Warren Hollister

The Time of Your Life: Finding God's Rest in Your Busy Schedule by Susie Davis

The Fruit of Her Hands by Nancy Wilson

* From My Grandmother's Trunk compiled by Cora Martin

The Old Testament (English Standard Version)

The Gospels and Acts (English Standard Version)

Personal Trivia Question

2008-12-16T07:24:00.001-08:00

So, what's the latest movie you've watched, and the latest book you've read? Just curious. :)

Here are mine:

Movie: the BBC version of Sense and Sensibility. I liked it almost as well as the Emma Thompson version.

Book: "Letters From My Grandmother's Trunk" by Cora Martin. This is a book of love letters, published by my dad's aunt, between my great-grandmother Cora Martin Pos and her then fiancee Bernard Pos. Initially it didn't seem that attractive to me, but it's turned out to be one of the most fascinating reads I've had in a while. I finished the book having learned a lot about life on a homestead in Colorado in 1890 as well as more cultured seminary life in Nashville. It also gave me a feeling of nostalgic regret that we have lost the art of good letter-writing. And made me realize that people who lived over a hundred years ago could laugh, tease each other mercilessly, and worry and love. Oh, and most precious of all, I learned from their example of keeping their faith in the forefront. Every letter shows that their priorities were staying close to God and serving others.

Ok, your turn!

Pics

2008-12-15T18:54:00.000-08:00

Ok, I am a slowpoke blogger. I've been meaning to post these pictures from the church Fall Festival a month ago. Figured I'd better get them posted before Christmas :P

Benjamin really enjoyed seeing the rabbits, goats, and baby pigs. The only time he sat still was (surprisingly) while he was getting his face painted. He is a social animal and loved being around all the people...and begging for food from total strangers, lol! He was a trooper and held out all afternoon without getting fussy.

Heartbeat!

2008-12-04T10:58:00.000-08:00

I heard the baby's heartbeat this morning at my prenatal checkup. It's fast, 150, so maybe my hunch is right that it's a girl! I'm scheduled for an ultrasound the first week of January, where we'll hopefully be able to determine the gender. And fundal height is measuring low, so my approximate due date is now late May. My SIL Kimberly is due in June, so who knows...if she's early and I'm late the cousins could share the same birthday. :)

Still feeling pretty good, except for an occasional sick morning. I've had maybe 4 or 5 of those.

So, Letisha, I guess my race through the first trimester has not really been that...with the messed up dates, I am just now 14 weeks, according to fundal height measurement!

I'm very happy with my new end-of-May dates, though, since there will be no conflict now with the last week or so of school. :)

Gross Scorpions

2008-12-03T08:19:00.000-08:00

Here's a random post on scorpions. I never knew they existed here in the Southeast, but we've found over a dozen in our house since moving here. I found two this morning. Thankfully no one has been stung, because I hear the sting is more painful than a bee sting and leaves a bruise. Frodo likes to kill them, so most we've found were already dead. I don't know how he avoids the stinger. I'm scared Benjamin will find one and play with it, so every morning I check the entire downstairs floor to make sure.

About a month ago I was wiping the counter and suddenly realized there was a live scorpion on my washcloth. That made me scream. I can deal with spiders pretty well, but something about scorpions is just freaky gross. I flicked him off the washcloth and into the toilet and spent the next few minutes getting over the willies.

I'm glad the cats usually find them before we do!

Confused

2008-11-19T18:43:00.000-08:00

Okay, now I am so confused. I checked the date on the picture we took of the positive pregnancy test...it's September 21st. Date of LMP, July 21st. Since my cycles were SO weird and unpredictable, I now have absolutely no idea when I might be due. I plugged in several dates and came up with anything from May 13th to June 4th. I hope when I get the ultrasound done they can tell from the baby's size about when he/she should be due.
And I'm even starting to doubt the positive result, after reading an article on false positives. It is almost 10 p.m., or I'd run to the drugstore right now! This is driving me a little nuts. I keep reminding myself that yes, I've been experiencing nausea! Of course, it may be a good thing if I can't nail down a definite date. Since I was 16 days late with Benjamin, maybe I can spare myself the torture of waiting. :)

Wait a minute...back up!

2008-11-07T04:50:00.000-08:00

I had my first prenatal appointment yesterday, and it seems I may not be as far along as I thought. Since the heartbeat could not be detected yet and my cycles had been weird before conception, they are thinking I may be only 13 or so weeks. I guess I could freak out and worry that the baby is no longer alive, but I don't feel strange and there are no other indications that anything's wrong, so I opted to wait until the next appointment instead of undergoing a lot of tests. Actually, if I were "less" pregnant, that would be a good thing, as I would finish out the school year.

Benjamin had a well-baby check up too, and everything's fine except his weight doesn't quite match his height. Height is 75th percentile, while weight is 30th. They recommended feeding him more protein. He's so active he burns everything right off and doesn't always slow down to eat as much as he should. So, beans and chicken and cottage cheese comin' at you, kid!

Our sixth anniversary is coming up this weekend and Jeff's mom offered to come and watch Benjamin while we have a date. We're going out to dinner Saturday night...fun times!

Sick, but not morning sickness :)

2008-10-19T07:42:00.000-07:00

Jeff got the stomach flu last weekend, and now I'm getting over it. The first day is the worst; absolute worst cramps I've had besides labor!! I spent Friday morning in the bathroom or on the floor in the bathroom with Benjamin laughing at silly mom with her moans and antics. Thankfully Jeff could take the day off and keep the little one occupied. After the first day, it's not bad, but neither do you feel great. I'm still not quite over it and thought it might be kind to keep the virus to myself instead of dispersing it among the church folks and the missionaries (we are ending a weeklong missions conference).

So, Jeff took Benjamin to church, all dressed up and adorable, and I'm at home. As a mom you're sometimes wishing you had some time to yourself; just a little bit! Now that I have it, I'm not sure what to do. The quiet sure is nice, though. I'm enjoying the crisp fall weather and the blue, blue sky outside my window with not a cloud in sight.

It was nice to see our friends Will and Alison last night, though I had to stay a respectful distance, crying "Unclean." They came to pick up the books and art that were staying over at our place until they could return from Scotland. It was funny; they ate in their car and we ate in the house. None of us wanted to risk Alison getting the virus, since she's due in another month and a half. Jeff and I were pretty disappointed, because we'd planned for them to spend the weekend here. Maybe another time. :) We're glad to have them back!

I'm off to get some guitar practice in, then get caught up on my Bible readings...

Great Expectations

2008-10-04T18:30:00.000-07:00

Well, baby number 2 is on the way. He or she is due in mid-April to early May. Probably early May, considering my track record. The spacing is great; Benjamin will have a playmate close in age. Also, the baby will come near the end of the schoolyear so I won't miss many lessons and will have a good 3 months to enjoy the new one. The downside of the timing is we'll miss my little brother Chuck's wedding in Rhode Island in June.

We're surprised, grateful, Jeff is really excited. I'm...hmm. I'm not even feeling pregnant and definitely not yet on the baby-excitement-bandwagon. But give me time and I'll come around. :) The suspicion had been growing in my mind that, since it took us so long to conceive Benjamin, we might just be a one-child family. I was getting (too) used to having my body (mostly) to myself; starting to get the hang of this motherhood thing a little bit. And we are out of the hard stage with Benjamin. He sleeps through the night, he's much more independent, mobile, interacting with us, learning to do for himself more every day. Now, it's back to square one! Sigh...but yet how wonderful, too.

I told Laura that, this time, I didn't have any hunches about gender. But since we talked I realized that, yes, I do. I think it's going to be a girl. We'll see if I'm right!

God is good, and he definitely answered prayer in this case. I casually asked some dear friends to pray for a sibling for Benjamin. Within days we were expecting. Maybe I'll send some more requests their way, since they have a hotline.

This time around I'm looking forward to prenatals with Amy in Gville. It will be nice to have the same care throughout the pregnancy. And it is nice to have so many unknowns out of the way, and less educating-of-self to do. I like knowing what to expect--at least some of the factors.

And if it is a girl, won't I have fun learning to make sweet little dresses. :)

More Crafty Stuff

2008-10-02T17:46:00.000-07:00

I finished another pair of pjs. I embellished them with some bought ribbon and I think they turned out ok.
I made a mistake, though, in making them looser than the other pairs. I was thinking looser would mean more comfy, but I forgot that pants ride up when you're sleeping and then your legs get cold. They work fine for wearing around the house, though. Now I just need a brown shirt that matches.
So when do I find time for sewing...? We sneak into the craft room whenever Benjamin and I need a change of scenery. There are all sorts of fabric scraps, thread and bits of ribbon for him to play with. It's kind of perfect that we can both enjoy ourselves while I'm making stuff.

Also finished a deep red scarf I've been working at for a while. It's very simple...just rows of half double crochet with fringe on the ends. I made a matching hat but it's a little small. Maybe I'll "frog" it (just learned that new term; it means rip out) and make a couple of red and white Christmasy hats for the pregnancy center.

First Birthday

2008-10-01T17:43:00.000-07:00

Benjamin turned one September 23rd. We celebrated on Thursday, though because Tuesdays we get home late. Even so he was pretty sleepy the whole time. :) I made the cake (confession; from a mix) and Jeff and I decorated it. I really do think Jeff is more handy at cakedecorating than I am. He traced the "one" out for me and I filled it in with blue icing.

Yes, I chickened out and didn't let Benjamin "have at it." But I like the messy cake pictures so I smeared a little on his face!

We celebrated his bday early when we were at Jeff's mom's. He got a few new things...some cute clothes and a farm set that makes all kinds of animal sounds. He also got a talking playskool bus from his Omi and some winter clothes from my mom. I'm so excited that he's already ONE and taking off! Every day he learns something new.

First Word...we think.

2008-09-24T19:08:00.001-07:00

On his birthday Tuesday, Benjamin said his first word. I think. Was it mommy, or daddy? Nope, it was "truck." Or at least his version of it: "cuck." He has been saying "cup" a lot lately, and especially while pointing to cars. Yesterday he was pointing out the window at the car across the street saying "cup." I corrected him: "truck." He stared at me, processing. Then said "uk." Then "cuck" and waved his hand bye-bye, just like he does to Daddy in the morning. It was a partly scary, partly elating feeling. What else does this child understand?! Made me suddenly shy wondering what he's picking up on.
Funny thing is, Jeff has been looking forward to the time when he can talk to and reason with Benjamin. I on the other hand don't feel quite ready!

Couldn't resist :)

2008-09-24T18:59:00.000-07:00

The little man makes anything look cute.

Crafty Stuff

2008-09-18T18:20:00.000-07:00

I made another pair of PJs but this time tried some embellishment using flannel from an old pair of boxers. They turned out pretty well but the neckhole of the T-shirt I used was way too big. I did a pleat at the back to get rid of some of the width, but it's still kind of big. Live and learn! Next time I'll cut off the tops of the shoulders and reconnect them so I'm taking equally from the front and back. The cuffs and stripe were harder than I expected.

Also made a thick wool man hat for Jeff. Not that he'll need it many days this winter, but it's fun.

Frugal Tip

2008-09-16T18:11:00.001-07:00

Lately I'm on a frugality kick! Here's a way to make yummy-smelling inexpensive hand soap:

Buy storebrand liquid hand soap in bulk. Make sure you get a type that is not heavily scented. Then add a few drops of essential oil. You can buy .5 oz bottles on ebay for about $2, shipping included.

I have to confess I bought a lot of storebrand hand soap a while back, and had been regretting it ever since, trying to use it up...until I thought of adding a few drops of oil. Now the soap in the bathroom smells like gardenias instead of nothing.

To make handsoap go even farther, use one of those foaming dispensers. You won't need to buy soap again for years, literally. And if you get several bottles of essential oil you can change up the scent whenever you like.

I wonder if you could do this with bodywash, too? Or dilute a few drops and put it in the laundry with your sheets? Hmm...

My SIL gave me a bottle of pure rose water. I use a spray bottle when I iron, so I diluted some of that in the water to make everything smell a little fresher.

Now if I could just find a way to get that smell into the cat room...

These are my pjs. I made them.

2008-09-14T04:42:00.001-07:00

You have to be a Nacho fan to appreciate those two quotes. I made "stretchy pants" for Benjamin. And no they're not frilly or made from a quilt.

I haven't sewn anything yet for Benjamin. FIrst of all I was dreading finding the right pattern, right size and blah blah blah. After all I can only sew one thing...A-line skirts for myself. But I found this amazingly simple pattern for toddler pants made from a recycled T-shirt. It requires hardly any sewing; it's only two pieces of fabric and some elastic. You just use the hems at the bottom of the shirt for cuffs. I love it!! I'm going to make a bunch more. I think it took me 15 actual minutes of sewing. I found the link here.

I looked at the fabric leftovers trying to figure out what I could make with the rest of the shirt. Jeff said I should use the neckhole, which was kind of small, as a neckhole, and just cut out the sleeves from the sleeves. Brilliant!! Now tell me how a guy who has never sewn anything in his life gets all the good ideas. This adorable pj shirt took me about 15 minutes to make as well. I just cut toddler-sized arms and body from the existing shirt and used the hem at the shirt cuff as a long-sleeved cuff. You might need to adjust the sleeve length; these were a little long; so rather than cut off the ends and lose that professional-looking serged hem, I took it in at the "shoulder seam..." actually the seam that now hits baby at the elbow.

Here are the scraps I had left over, all ready to be recycled to the cleaning rags pile. I feel like a native American parcelling up a buffalo!! Am I frugal or what?

Cool Ministry Opportunity

2008-08-30T17:49:00.000-07:00

I found a wonderful use for my somewhat pointless hobby, crocheting. Besides giving hats to everyone I know. :) And I do love doing that. I can actually help tip the scales toward an unwed mom keeping her baby. Our church has a knitting/crocheting ministry where we make baby booties or hats and give them to moms who come to the crisis pregnancy center for advice and help. Sometimes just seeing that little item helps them realize that there's a real, living baby in there with a cute face and tiny little head that needs a hat to keep it warm. Seeing that someone cares enough to make it a clothing item by hand might make a difference.

I've started making a baby hat every Sunday as Jeff drives us to church. I can usually finish it in the hour travel time to church and back.

It's humbling and wonderful that a small effort might make a big difference. And it's something I love doing. :)

Recent (gender neutral) hat for the center. I call it my "Boo" hat 'cuz it reminds me of the little girl's monster costume in Monsters Inc.

Benjamin walks

2008-08-16T14:04:00.000-07:00

Benjamin has been walking for a couple of weeks now. His first step was at the coaxing of one of my piano students who was at our house for a lesson...I wasn't even there to see it! :( After that he wouldn't do much, just an occasional step. I think after being around his twin cousins, one of whom is really walking well, and some of the toddlers at the gym nursery, he decided to go for it. His record right now is 62 steps, and he's getting faster and more steady.

I'm going to post a video of him walking when I get a minute...meanwhile enjoy the picture of Benjamin at the Mill :) Jeff and I are also in a Patch production at church and that's taking up some time. And, school starts Monday!!! I feel better this go round about leaving Benjamin in the nursery. He seems to really enjoy playing with other kids and can hold his own with slightly older kids. We'll see how it goes. I'm just teaching 3 days a week.

Jeff and I had a great date night Friday and were able to assess where we are financially, relationally, intellectually, physically etc. and set some new goals. We also redid our budget to adjust for inflation (yay) and also rising gas prices. It's always comforting to know exactly where you are and what you're trying to achieve, even if it means buckling down a bit...

Laura's shower

2008-08-01T05:51:00.001-07:00

I've been a bad blogger so trying to catch up on some events and post some pictures. Over the 4th weekend, we also had a baby shower for Laura. She and Will were sick so they couldn't come, but we had a fun get-together anyway, and afterward Jeff & I brought over the presents and had a nice, low-key time together opening presents and shelling peas. It was so nice having everyone together in one place during our visit. Chuck was in Sumter too w/ his friend Sarah. It's funny how growing up you just want those boys to go away and leave you alone, and once you're grown, you value any time with them as precious!

Baby hats

2008-07-31T15:03:00.001-07:00

I found an easy baby hat crochet pattern, and have been making hats for every baby I know! Baby stuff is great because it works up so quickly...it's so small. I got brave and tried ear flaps and braided ties for one of this set, and made a flower for the basic newborn cap. These are for a friend in NY.

Vacation pics

2008-07-25T14:12:00.000-07:00

We took a few days off in Sumter spending time with family. Every year we have a big 4th family reunion/get-together on property that has been in my mom's family for generations...since Revolutionary War days. It's a neat way to keep our ever-growing families in touch and remember God's blessings through the years. We enjoyed the pond, the great food and most of all, the fellowship.

Rain is Funny!

2008-07-11T10:59:00.001-07:00

Benjamin often surprises me at what he thinks is funny. Pouring rain is one of them. Ceiling fans are another. :)

Crib Wars

2008-07-02T11:17:00.000-07:00

Well, we've delayed trying the crib again because our lives have not been on a normal schedule. We had Dayton and Erin and their kids here for a few days, then were both sick for a week, and then had company this weekend.

But now that things are back to boring "normal" again :) I decided to give the crib a try. It's not safe anymore to let him take naps on our bed, and he's outgrowing his bouncy seat. Last time I tried, last Friday actually, Benjamin and I both ended up reduced to tears. (Why can't he just be a normal baby and sleep in a crib? For a nap? During the day? While I'm right there by him??) Here's the deal. We had tried the "let 'em cry it out alone" method. He can keep it up for an incredibly long time, and all we accomplish is sleep loss for ourselves and a baby who thinks we've abandoned him. I decided it would be best to stay right there to let him know I hadn't just forgotten about him, I really wanted him to stay there and sleep. I gave him little spanks on the leg every time he started his mad cry. Yes, there is a difference between his teeth-bared angry cry and his sad cry. This was the first type. He was furious at me, though he'd been nursed, almost to sleep, and had played happily and busily until he was exhausted. He simply didn't like where he was.

Well, it was probably one of the most harrowing things I've ever done, but I left him in there, gave him little spanks when he screamed, and finally he calmed down. Finally. This had gone on for over an hour. By then I was feeling like a horrible mom and seriously wondering what kind of psychological problems my child had. I slumped down by the crib, exhausted and in tears.

He turned over. Grinned at me. Started laughing!!

I picked him up, since he obviously was wide awake now and ready to play again. At least he'd sort of stayed in the crib for a while.

I didn't have the courage or emotional energy to try again until today. He woke around 7:30, played, then started looking like he needed his morning nap. I made sure his tummy was full, then put him in the crib.

Same response...screams and trying to stand up. I stayed completely calm, knowing there was nothing that would hurt him and that sleeping in the crib, while I sang him to sleep, was perfectly fine for him. I kept singing calmly and when he stood up, firmly laid him back down. During the next 45 minutes, he went from all-out lung-belting to loud singing to quietly talking to himself to....asleep.

Since then he's taken his other two naps in the crib, too. He fusses a little, then eventually drops off.

:D :D :D

Quickie

2008-06-26T10:32:00.000-07:00

Been busy lately but have to share an anecdote about Benjamin... he loves to drink out of our glasses of ice water, and now he thinks anything in a cup shape has something in it he can drink! He "slurps" his toy cups, empty containers we give him to play with, and this morning the empty oatmeal cannister. :D

He is crawling, cruising and standing for a few seconds by himself. He loves being mobile and playing with his basket of toys and cruising on furniture in the bedroom.

He was nine months old the 23rd. Now has 6 teeth, weighs 20 lbs, and 28 inches long.

Not a Cat Toy

2008-05-14T03:29:00.000-07:00

Some of you know I have a desire to be craft-y but not a ton of skill. I've been trying to teach myself to crochet on and off for about three years. Well, I've solved the problem of uneven ends. WIth a circular rug there are no ends to mess up! This is my first attempt...a rug for Benjamin. Jeff said it's the best-looking project I've ever done. Which isn't saying a whole lot...most of the others ended up as cat toys. This one took about six hours to make, though I should be faster on the next. I used cotton yarn which has a nice clean soft feel. There's less stretch which makes it a little bit harder to work with, but the texture is really nice.

Benjamin at 7 months

2008-04-27T11:09:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe he's that old! Changes in the last few weeks: he now has two bottom teeth, scoots in circles (no crawling yet), can pull himself up to a standing position in the tub...dangerous!...strings long syllables together in sentences, says "mama" a lot (still not entirely sure he knows what it means), and walks when I hold his hands. Oh, and his new phase....yelling. No more screeching, now it's well-supported diaphragmatic yells. He's determined to be heard!

I've researched slings in the last couple of months, afraid I might be missing out with my el cheapo $13.29 Target navy blue Snugli. I came to the conclusion that, while it would be nice to have a ring sling to try as well, I'm probably fine with the Snugli. There is one big drawback, and that's the fact that I can't feed him while carrying him. Also, some babies might dislike being held in the chest-to-chest position. For him it's about the only position he'll tolerate. If it weren't for the carrier, I would never get anything done! I had a parent watch him during a lesson at my home, and she asked me how in the world I could do anything...he was squirming all over her arms and wouldn't be still. The Snugli is the answer. He spends 2-3 hours a day in it, and while he's hanging out, I vaccuum, empty the dishwasher, start dinner, and generally get things done. I love it!! I really don't see how people manage without some kind of sling or carrier.

I've come to believe Benjamin is, at least at some level, a high need baby., though maybe not as extreme as some. He is what you'd call intense. He laughs uproariously, cries loudly and passionately, always has to have something new to look at, is interested in everything. His legs, arms, or mouth are always in motion. Jeff and I don't know where he gets his energy! He never nurses quietly. He's always arching his back, flipping himself over (and then trying to nurse on his tummy....sorry bud, it doesn't work that way!). He cries if I try to feed him one second longer than he wants to be fed. He hollers in the nursery if the atmosphere doesn't suit him. He will not and never has calmly slept in a crib. He either has to be rocked and nursed into oblivion first, or nursed to sleep in our bed. I'm not patient enough to rock him for hours and then wake up several times in the night, so he stays in our bed. We tried moving him out, but he would wake several times in the night screaming, stiff as a board, and never relax the whole night. So for us it hasn't been worth it. Our co-sleeping arrangement works fine, and it's sometimes the only time dad gets to bond with him during the day. Ah, for a calm, quiet baby who took to the crib and sweetly slept anywhere. Not happening!! But we love his wide-awake, intense personality, and predict many interesting and adventurous disruptions to our lives as he grows older.

Plants Post

2008-03-24T08:49:00.000-07:00

After reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, Jeff and I have way too much gardening lust and way too little yard. My dad decided we needed a garden when they visited back in November, so we now have tilled, fertilized soil just beyond the lawn and TONS of turnips.
We ordered two types of tomatoes from seedsavers.org, a mail-order company that sells heirloom seeds. Heirloom seeds are varieties of flowers and vegetables that have been developed through the years and are in danger of being lost. The variety out there is amazing...fuzzy peach-colored tomatoes, tomatoes that look like bell peppers, tomatoes that are dead ringers for lemons, black tomatoes...we picked two of the less-exotic varieties. We also ordered cukes and bought some flower seeds from Lowe's.
Now we just need about five acres to plant it all in :)
Here are a few pics of our garden and some of the plants around the house. Houseplants are an inexpensive way to fill a corner! Actually the pots usually cost more than the plant...but at least the pot won't ever die :D

African violet getting lots of sun in the kitchen window

A shelf would be awesome there but a plant is a definite improvement!

Cukes and carrots growing indoors until danger of frost is over. I didn't know this but you need to help harden off seedlings by shaking them a couple of times a day or blowing on them. Then you can start leaving them outside for longer and longer every day. Right before you transplant you should deprive them a little of water. You're getting them used to the "real world" :D

Turnips and more turnips. The greens are actually pretty good fresh mixed in with romaine.

Jeff stuck two garlic cloves in peat pots and they are growing about a centimeter a day.

Devos

2008-03-10T04:25:00.000-07:00

I've been having trouble with regular devotions, so Jeff helped me out by subscribing me to a daily Bible read feed. I'm going through the Bible in chronological order (according to historical time) using the ESV.
It's nice because it's right there on my computer and I can read while rocking Benjamin to sleep in his bouncy seat. The link is:

http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/devotions/chronological

Benjamin 5 months 3 weeks

2008-03-08T06:09:00.000-08:00

Some recent pictures of Benjamin.

His favorite sleeping pose...hands behind the head like he's at the beach. :)

Benjamin at 5 months

2008-02-28T03:49:00.000-08:00

Finally after all that drooling and gnawing, he's got a tiny sharp little tooth on the bottom front! He can flip over easily from back to front and vice versa, can grasp things with pretty good coordination, and is starting to hang onto me when I hold him. :)
Still laughs a lot and has a very expressive little face.
A favorite game now is pulling off his socks!

More Changes

2008-02-22T07:43:00.001-08:00

The Basketball Court/Bedroom needed some help, so we moved the bed out of the corner where it was haphazardly wedged, and added some simple sheer curtains. ($12 each at Lowe's...I figured probably the same price as making them, and way easier). It's a big improvement, but we still need something on the walls. Something large...several of them. I am open to any suggestions!

The storage container on the right side of the bed is filling in as a nightstand right now. The baby toys are not part of the decor plan! We are storing the bookshelf for friends. They said we could stain it, but we haven't gotten around to it. There is that cool nook at one end of the room that I'd like to do something with. Just not sure what. The glider doesn't belong there, but I moved it in when I had the flu and haven't yet moved it out.

Joining the Gym

2008-02-19T17:43:00.000-08:00

Jeff and I have always wanted to work out together, but, working at BJ, there were separate facilities for men and women. As newlyweds we used to drive over to the gym together at 6 a.m., but once we got there, we had to go our separate ways.
Lucky for us now there is a very nice Bodyplex just down the road with good childcare. Dues are pretty reasonable and you get free classes and a state-of-the-art facility. Sauna, bike room, aerobics room, a whole floor full of treadmills and elliptical trainers upstairs, plus weight machines downstairs. They sell smoothies and protein shakes in the lobby. The nursery is spacious and well-equipped and everyone we talked to there seemed friendly and happy with their job. So...after a trial cardio workout with my hubby, I decided to sign on.
I predict it will be a lot of fun. We're both doing something we enjoy doing (not the SAME OLD workout video) and we're doing it together, which bumps up the fun 100%. Also, he's really good at pushing me the extra mile. Or quarter mile. I started out easy b/c I wanted to be able to walk the next day!
We figured out we can probably work out together four days a week. Every Monday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday we're going to do our best to be there.
After working out yesterday I felt this huge rush of positive feelings. It's just the endorphins, but I'd forgotten how exercising makes me feel, and realized how mopey, slow and "blah" I've been feeling. This will be a great change for both of us...and I'll (hopefully) soon have a few more clothes in my closet I can wear. :)

New Years' Resolution Update

2008-02-11T07:29:00.001-08:00

I'm trying to keep myself accountable on these. Elizabeth, your dedication to WW is an inspiration to me, since I feel like a big flop in the eating right/exercise department!

1. Read at least 25 books this year. (Starting a third book this week. Did I mention I get a lot of reading done while nursing?)
2. Brush up on my knowledge of French pronunciation for voice lessons. (Haven't touched this yet; still looking for an easy, free way to do this.)
3. Practice guitar more consistently. (Getting some better, but need to pull out the guitar the minute Benjamin dozes off...)
4. Stick to my new cleaning regimen. (Doing pretty well here, except for the weeks I had the flu.)
5. Read Bible and have devotions consistently, every day, no excuses. (Pooey. It's been hit-and-miss at best.)
6. Pray nightly for requests God lays on my heart. (Have been slacking off ever since the flu. Ever notice how schedule disruptions can throw everything off?)
7. Work out. My goal is to start small with 15 minutes a day. (I am ashamed...)
8. Fix hot meals every night; even when I'm teaching, have something Jeff can put in the oven. (YES! At least I have success here. There's only been one night where Jeff had to cook.)
9. Find time for crafts or creative things. This could be a sewing project, a musical composition, poem, drawing, decorating project, whatever. (Yes! I'm working on finishing up curtains for the dining room, and also slooowly finishing a crocheted scarf that I started two years ago...LOL)
10. Keep a biweekly "date night" with Jeff where we can discuss financial, spiritual, and mental wellbeing. (Yes, we've kept this up.)

I will try to evaluate myself every month so I can see how I'm doing.

Chef Emilee

2008-02-05T07:44:00.000-08:00

I'm not much of a chef, but here are some good 'uns I found that I make a lot (I won't tell you how much "a lot" is!) Thanks friends for sharing your recipes!

Italian Chicken and Pasta Dish
(this one I kind of improvised; we have chicken and pasta a lot and this is a nice spin on that)

Cook 2 chicken breasts in a tablespoon of olive oil. Sprinkle with rosemary and oregano (or sprinkle in some pre-mixed Italian spices). Cut chicken into bite-sized pieces when done.

Cook enough spaghetti for two people, depending on your portion size. Drain and put in a very large bowl. Add a tablespoon of butter, a little more olive oil, more Italian spices and some parmesan cheese, and toss.

Add the chicken either on top of each plate of spaghetti, or mix it all in. I usually mix. You can also add in cooked snow peas for a complete meal.

This is really good with fresh rosemary and oregano if you can get it. :)

Lasagna

9 lasagna noodles, cooked according to pkg. directions
1 normal-sized jar of pasta sauce
1 pound of ground beef, cooked and drained (or ground turkey for lowfat version)
1 pound ricotta cheese (lowfat, or even fat free works well)
1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese
1 pound grated mozzarella cheese

Combine pasta sauce and ground beef. Add a little salt (1/2 tsp) Place a small amount of mixture on bottom of a 9x13 glass baking pan, spreading to cover the bottom with a thin layer. Layer 3 noodles over sauce. Top with 1/3 of remaining sauce, 1/3 parmesan, 1/3 mozzarella. Top with 1/2 the ricotta by small spoonfuls. Repeat layers: 3 more noodles, 1/3 sauce, 1/3 parmesan, 1/3 mozzarella and rest of ricotta. Top with last 3 noodles, remaining sauce, parmesan and mozzarella. Cover with foil and bake at 350 for one hour.

Boston Chicken

4 chicken breasts
1/4 tsp. paprika
1 T. lime juice (lemon works too)
1 T. honey
1/4 cup oil

Combine sauce ingredients. Either pour over chicken and cook in a covered pan (easy way) or put chicken in a baking sheet lined with foil, and baste every 10 minutes, baking in a 400 degree oven for 30-40 minutes. Guess which way I always do :)

Wooster Chicken

Sprinkle chicken with about 3 T. worchestershire sauce, add some salt and sprinkle with dried rosemary. Serve with mashed potatoes or rice.

A Ramble about Heaven

2008-01-26T15:40:00.000-08:00

Heaven has been on my mind a lot lately, thanks to Ashley, a wonderful student and friend who passed away last week. Heaven was so real to her. She told friends and family that she was going to miss them but she was "really pretty excited about going to her HOME home, a place with no doctors, no medicines, no misery." With uncomplicated faith, Ashley took God at His word and looked forward to the wonderful place Christ describes. The thin teenaged body I saw yesterday in the casket was NOT Ashley. She had already gone on her great adventure!

Two years ago I read Randy Alcorn's book "Heaven" and came away from it exhilarated and with my eyes opened to many new truths. Before reading this book I shared many common hangups about Heaven. Why do we believe so many wrong things about Heaven? Alcorn points out that one of Satan's main goals is to feed us depressing lies or half-truths about it to demoralize us.

One of those things I've heard from the pulpit is that "we can't even imagine what Heaven will be like." Actually, the Bible tells us a lot more about Heaven than is preached on or taught in most circles. (I won't spoil it...you have to read the book!) God not only tells us a lot about it, down to details of what it looks like, but He does want us to use our imaginations. How would you feel if you'd built a beautiful vacation home for a beloved friend, described some of it to him, and realized that he would not even allow himself to dwell on how wonderful it was? That he treated the fact of its existence in such a "spiritual" way that he wasn't excited about the waterfall out back or the great food you'd stocked in the fridge or the wonderful view from the veranda? No, God wants us to think about Heaven and look forward to it. One of the important jobs He's been doing since He left this earth is "going to prepare a place for us." Can you imagine what it's like if He Himself devotes His time and attention to it?

Another thing we hear sometimes is "we probably won't even know each other in Heaven anymore. We'll maybe occasionally remember something like 'Earth' but it'll even be hard to remember what it was like. We'll just be lost in worshipping Jesus all day long." Well, I sometimes have a bad memory here on Earth. But there's no way I'll be dumber in Heaven than I am here! Christ didn't come to earth and fulfill prophecies in minute detail, just to have us forget about it all in some sort of memory wipe! If Christ keeps His wounds received on Earth, then surely Earth's history, from Fall to Armageddon, is special to Him. So much of it is recorded in His sacred Word. We will remember it all. Remembering will bring Him glory.

Another idea we get somewhere is that Heaven is like Nirvana. I don't want to play a harp all day long in some trancelike state, do you? God has work for us to do once we're in Heaven. Consider the messenger who talks with John. John bows to him, but he stops him and tells John that he's one of John's fellowservants. Just another redeemed human, doing a job God assigned. We are told we will judge the earth. We will have positions of responsibility. We will learn in Heaven. The martyrs in Revelation ask God, "How long will this go on?" They ask because they don't have all the answers. I believe Ashley is now learning to be a better guitarist. With a perfect body and mind, free from the effects of the Fall, she can learn a lot faster than she could here!

I love the part in Alcorn's book about the new Heaven and new Earth. We were created as terrestrial creatures, and our fate is tied up with the Earth's. It was cursed because of our sin. It will also be redeemed with us. It is not wrong to want our feet resting on solid ground. It's built into us. On the seventh day God finished His work and said it was good. It is still good for man to live on Earth. This is why God is going to create a new, perfect world, as real as the one we know now (but so much more beautiful!)

The wonderful thing about the new Heaven and Earth is that it shows God's power. Not only does He rescue us, pulling us out of a sin-cursed world, but he redeems the sin-cursed world as well! Everything is restored back to how it was in Eden...perfect humans, perfect world, perfect fellowship with God...only better, because God Himself will come down to dwell with us permanently! Satan and sin did their best to destroy all, but the result will be something even better than Eden.

That takes my breath away and makes me want to read the book again! If you have a secret dislike of Heaven or think it might be boring or scary or too "ethereal," please read this book. You'll come away from it refreshed and excited about what He has gone to prepare for you!

I look forward to meeting my friend Ashley in heaven some day and playing guitar duets with her. Heaven is going to be that much more special because she is there.

An Inspiration

2008-01-23T11:03:00.000-08:00

Today one of my students, Ashley, may be going home to see her Father. Ashley is 13 and has been fighting liver and lung cancer for the last three and a half months. She is a creative, gifted girl who plays the classical guitar well after just a year and a half of lessons. She also puts her own poetry to music and enjoys drawing and painting. Ashley is beautiful and to see her you would think she is older than her 13 years. I can think of no single word that describes her better than "inspiration." Her diligence, intelligence and creativity are truly an inspiration to all who know her. When I began teaching at Berean I decided to hold a practice contest to help motivate my students. Each student was required to practice 30 minutes 5 times a week. Many did extra in an attempt to win the contest! Well, Ashley had my chart filled full of "points" very early in the semester. I ran out of space on the chart for her, while many other diligent students had practiced extra, yet still had half as many points. At one lesson she wryly told me that she hadn't put in as much time as usual, because her parents had told her to stop practicing so much!

In the year and a half that I taught her I watched her grow up from a little girl to a tall young woman. Beautiful inside and out, she always had a lot to bring to her lessons and was a special, extraordinary student. I enjoyed hearing her play a difficult piece at last year's recital. She memorized it and played well. This was after about 7 months, prior to which she had never played a note! To have such discipline at 12 and 13 is inspiring and humbling.

Since they found out the news that she had cancer, this family has been through so much. Ashley has endured procedures and pain and disappointment. Today, I had the honor of talking with her on the phone. I am so grateful to her mom for allowing me this privilege. I could hear the beep of the monitor and her voice, muffled from tubes and wires. I could not understand what she said clearly but they told me one of the things she said was "you don't get tired in Heaven." Praise God that heaven is real to her and that she will be there when God calls her home.

We've been praying for a miracle, for her healing. We knew that God would answer this one way or the other. Now as I think on the realities of Heaven I feel a bit jealous...if God wills she will soon be in His presence, walking the streets of that city and seeing the River that flows through it, being reunited with loved ones, complete in Christ and surrounded by the beauties of heaven. And becoming a far better guitarist than I will ever be.

Ashley, I am grateful to have known you and so proud of you. Our hearts go out to you and your family. You've taught us so much, and we love you.

Nursing Strike

2008-01-18T16:37:00.001-08:00

Okay, it wasn't an official nursing strike because it didn't last two days or more, but it was weird. I'm glad it's over now. Benjamin refused to nurse all day today. He was definitely thirsty, because he took a bottle right away and drank it all, but every time I tried to feed him he screamed and cried. My theory is that I've been sneezing and coughing a lot while he's trying to eat. That combined with me sounding funny and not being very playful with him probably meant he wasn't liking me too much.
After Jeff and I had given him some extra attention and (Jeff especially) made him laugh a lot, he seemed less fussy. I tried nursing him again right after he woke up from a nap, while also walking around the room. It worked...yes!
Anyway, nursing strikes are a strange thing but it shows you that babies really are in tune to even little changes in their environment! Benjamin tends to pick up on my mood...if I'm grumpy, he gets fussy.
It's coming home to me that parenthood really is a sanctifying experience. You can't have a bad attitude. Or things get a lot worse! Like they say, if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. And that leads to momma being MORE unhappy!

Sick

2008-01-17T07:38:00.000-08:00

I didn't know you could catch things through cyberspace, but apparently you can. Thanks Elizabeth and Abbie!! The incredibly sore throat started Monday after teaching, and I called in sick the next two days. This stuff is no joke. Monday and Tuesday my throat felt like someone had taken a cheese grater to it. Now it's better but I sound like a 60-year-old smoker. A man. Who sings bass.

On a positive note, we did get some snow last night! It's nearly melted now, but we did take a drive around the neighborhood (with Benjamin, and no he was not in his carseat, I'm a bad mom) to enjoy it.

I've never dealt with a sick baby while I'm also sick myself, so thought I'd share some things I never even imagined that I'm sure other moms are familiar with!

1. You can't cough while nursing. I found out the hard way, and scared Benjamin so bad he wouldn't nurse again for a half hour.

2. You can't get a tissue for your runny nose while nursing. Move over Emily Post, I'm using my sleeve. Or a burp cloth. Or whatever's close.

3. Don't try to talk too much to your baby. Your new bass voice will scare and confuse him. Then again so will the fact that you're not talking to him.

4. If baby is also sick, be prepared to sleep in several different locations and contorted positions. I started out in my bed, moved to the nursery floor in a sleeping bag, and finally ended up (in the wee hours) in the nursing chair holding him, with my arm almost falling off!

5. If baby is also sick, be prepared to also nurse on the run. The only thing that may comfort your baby is bouncing and patting him, while also nursing. Pacing the room in this position is lots of fun at 2 a.m!

6. You are tied to fussy baby for the duration of the fuss. If you're thirsty, tough. Need to go to the bathroom, sorry!

7. The cool thing is, that, no matter how frustrated you are at your baby or how exhausted you feel by the end of the night, you will forgive him the minute he flashes those gums at you the next morning!

Happy New Year!

2008-01-03T08:00:00.000-08:00

We had a great holiday, and spent time with Jeff's mom and grandmom, Mom and Dad, Ma Ma, Laurance and Kimberly, and Will and Laura. Seeing everyone makes me wish I lived closer! It was fun watching the cousins connect, even if Jonathan and Benjamin's first "play date" was a cry party! :D Boosie was so gentle with "Baby Benjen" and helped me fetch diapers and pacifiers for him. (She can say "pacifier." And "Ratatouille." Some of the other words are hard to make out but those are clear as day.)
We left the day before Christmas and came back the day after New Year's. After all the rush to decorate and get loose ends tied up before we left, we came back feeling like the holidays were over before they started! We did have a wonderful, relaxing time with family, though, and feel ready to start a new year.
New Year's day Jeff and I lit some candles and sat down to a planning session. Here are some of the resolutions I came up with. The best thing I've done for myself recently is made up a list of weekly chores and monthly chores (inspired by Martha Stewart's Homekeeping book, but leaving out any OCD parts such as dusting the smoke detectors!) I went for realistic and doable rather than perfect, and it feels great to know that "even though" the floor has cat hair on it, it doesn't matter, because I'm doing that TOMORROW.

1. Read at least 25 books this year. Finish up books I'm currently reading.
2. Brush up on my knowledge of French pronunciation for voice lessons.
3. Practice guitar more consistently. I'm doing a lesson every two weeks but still feel so unprepared every time.
4. Stick to my new cleaning regimen.
5. Read Bible and have devotions consistently, every day, no excuses. This has gone down the drain with unpredictable baby hours, but it's time to get serious.
6. Pray nightly for requests God lays on my heart. Jeff and I started doing this when my student was diagnosed with cancer. We keep it short but try to pray together every night before we fall asleep.
7. Work out. I have not exercised with any consistency since I found out I was pregnant! I'll have a bigger wardrobe and more energy if I can lose 10 lbs. My goal is to start small with 15 minutes a day.
8. Fix hot meals every night; even when I'm teaching, have something Jeff can put in the oven. I have 6 simple recipes to begin with. (Boring hot meal is better than no hot meal). Every month I'll add another recipe. That question "what's for dinner" will never make me cringe again. Or at least not as often.
9. Find time for crafts or creative things. This could be a sewing project, a musical composition, poem, drawing, decorating project, whatever.
10. Keep a biweekly "date night" with Jeff where we can discuss financial, spiritual, and mental wellbeing.

Congrats!

2007-12-25T08:29:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to some friends, Letisha and Daniel, on the birth of their little girl on Christmas Eve! God is good...what a wonderful Christmas miracle. :)

Videos

2007-12-15T11:18:00.000-08:00

I can't figure out how to post videos anymore, so I'll just have to say look at Jeff's blog for some videos of Benjamin talking and rolling over onto his back! He just learned how to roll over yesterday. :)

Jeff reading to Benjamin

Stuff Benjamin is learning

2007-12-11T17:59:00.000-08:00

I haven't had a lot of time to post but Benjamin is learning and changing every day. He discovered his hand...it is so neat to see him stare at it and realize it belongs to him! He can grasp at toys with more purpose now. His favorite thing to do is grab my finger and start gnawing. He pulls it to him when he wants and then pushes it away when he's had enough. He grins and laughs a lot. His personality is emerging as a happy, easy-going little guy. He is now looking us in the eye instead of at our hairline (highest point of contrast). He realizes the eyes communicate!
His new favorite game is standing up. He does this, supported, for minutes at a time. His head is hardly wobbly anymore and he lifts up his torso and head during tummy time. He also makes crawling motions with his legs and occasionally moves his elbows forward a centimeter or two! He'll be crawling before long!
He's talkative in the evenings and can say compound syllablle "words" now. Favorite sounds are "ow" and "oh." Also "guh." When he's really upset he cries "Maa" so I guess he's learning a few consonants.
It's a lot of fun, but I also am starting to hate any minute without him. We're praying about cutting down my hours significantly next year.

Thought this was cool.

2007-12-06T08:59:00.001-08:00

Things that change when you have a baby:

1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.

2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.

3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.

4. You respect your body ... finally.

5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way.

6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.

7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child.

8. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago.

9. Your heart breaks much more easily.

10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.

11. Every day is a surprise.

12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)

13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.

14. You become a morning person.

15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.

Christopher Parkening masterclass

2007-11-20T10:25:00.000-08:00

Last Friday I attended a masterclass at UGA with Christopher Parkening. I've always wanted to meet this amazing artist and having him this close, and free, it was too good an opportunity to turn down. Jeff took the day off and we packed up Benjamin and left early in the morning to get there at 9 a.m.

The students who played were college or grad school level. All of the playing was high-level and very inspiring. I came away from it wanting to practice! Parkening is a mild-mannered, gentle guy and you'd never guess he has such inner drive and discipline. He spoke matter-of-factly about his faith and said he meditates on certain verses before performances. His philosophy permeates his method books, which I still use and teach from. Parkening had great comments for each student and the first thing he did for each was compliment something they were doing well.

I wish we had been able to get a better picture, but just as we got to the front, he left!

Benjamin was pretty good, but fussy enough that Jeff had to stay outside with him for most of the class. I'm glad we got to go.

Chuck's blog

2007-11-11T06:13:00.000-08:00

To all those who gave up checking, :D Charles has updated his blog...just to let you know. :)

Stats

2007-11-08T18:18:00.000-08:00

At 6 weeks, Benjamin is:

23 inches long (75-90th percentile)
12 lbs. 14 oz (90th percentile)

That's great, but sad that he wore his newborn clothes so briefly! He's now in 3 month clothes...slightly big but fitting. The hernia will probably not need any attention until he reaches a year or so, so that's good news.

Today was a day of nonstop coos and smiles! Flirted with the pediatrician, cooed at his bouncy seat toys, smiled at daddy....and the cutest thing, he woke himself up laughing! He has never laughed when he was awake, only while he's dreaming.

Just love my little boy. :)

Busy life

2007-11-07T09:14:00.000-08:00

Working part time has definitely made life busier! I teach three days, then catch up on chores the rest of the week. Benjamin has adjusted to the nursery well (after the first day when his chin was trembling from overstimulation...so sad!). Now, he seems to sleep better the more noise there is in there! Jeff picks him up early when he can, and takes care of him until I return in the evening. We have cut back on some church activities out of necessity. Wednesday night church is out of the question. I teach up until 6:30, and then I need to either pump or feed him. Sometime in there I have to eat dinner, and I don't feel right having Benjamin away from home from 1:00 to 8:30 or so. And then there's the problem of Jeff getting enough sleep, as he leaves for work at 5:45. Yes, it's a crazy life!!
I've also given up church choir for awhile. Sunday is already a stressful day for Benjamin, and coming to choir at 4:30 is just a little much. I have been signed up to play offertories in the next couple of months and am on the singing schedule. That's enough for me!
Benjamin is healthy and seems well. I am a little concerned about a tummy bulge that I think may be an infant hernia (pretty common.) We get it checked out tomorrow. It doesn't seem to cause him pain but will probably need minor surgery. We'll see. I think it may be hereditary, since Laurance, myself, and Charles all had them.
The weather is beautiful here! The fall colors seem more vivid than usual. We had our first freeze last night, and I'm afraid it killed the tomatoes. The zinnias were looking leggy and pathetic, so I'm not too worried about them.
I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving!

Month-old pictures

2007-10-27T10:51:00.000-07:00

The planets converged, and I was able to get the right lighting and a happy baby in a cute outfit. The last picture shows his famous poochy lip. The lip comes out first, then the cry...

Prayer requests

2007-10-25T05:29:00.001-07:00

My mom asked me to pass this on since she's not able to call everyone. Ma-ma is still in the hospital, and is fine except for fluid in her lungs. (She went in initially b/c she was anemic). Elizabeth was there a couple of days ago to help her get up and about...and probably has more details (mom couldn't talk long). Please do pray that the fluid will go down and she'll be able to come home soon. With older people pneumonia can be a real danger. Also pray for Mom as she goes back and forth from the hospital and home.

Another prayer request...thank you for praying for my student. I'm afraid the diagnosis is not good. She has a mass on her liver and more in both lungs. I believe God can heal her and am praying to that end. Please, please pray for this young, talented girl. I know God can heal her and I really missed her at lessons this week...she is such a joy to teach, and it makes me tear up every time I think of her facing this serious illness.

God is good to us, always. I'm focusing on that thought today.

Infant acne

2007-10-20T05:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's morning and I'm braindead, so thought I'd post about...baby acne.

It's normal, it's tempting, and it goes away in a few weeks (so I'm told).

Benjamin was born with it. The reason is not clear but most say it's the result of the hormone dump babies get toward the end of pregnancy. There is nothing you can do for it...creams and lotions don't help, and washing too much can just irritate it.

But it's so hard to just do NOTHING. Those of you who know how much I love to pick will appreciate my agony. The little bumps are just so round and...juicy.

Okay, okay. I'll admit I popped one on his ear. I was amazed how little it seemed to hurt him...no reaction at all. I was so tempted to go on and pop every single one on his face. But to my credit I resisted. Now I'm going to go find Jeffrey and see if there are any little bumps on his shoulders.

Yes, I know I need therapy. :D

life at 3 weeks

2007-10-18T16:41:00.000-07:00

It's funny, but though I'm sleep deprived, I've also been getting more reading done. There are certain times when I have to sit still...like when I'm feeding Benjamin. I've gotten good at using my toes to grab a blanket or books or whatever while I'm trying not to disturb a feeding or sleeping baby. Prehensile toes...a definite blessing, LOL.

I finished "The Chosen" by Chaim Potok today. I gained lots of new information about the Hassidic Jews, while being entertained and moved by the book. Not what I'd call a dark book, but it deals with serious and sad issues. I recommend it.

I also finished "The Giver" two days ago. I highly recommend this too. This is another "youth novel" that can be enjoyed by any age. It's a deeply thought-provoking book written in a simple style that makes the emotional content that much more real.

Today I enjoyed telling Benjamin about the sun, moon and stars and what they do, who made them...I felt a bit like an Earthling describing the wonders of earth to a little Alien :D and realizing all over again how beautiful and full of wonder God's creation is.

God is the ultimate creative mind...and Edith Schaeffer's "Hidden Art of Homemaking" brings that home (another book I've finished recently). Her style of writing is a little dated, but I love how she delves into the philosophy of why we create anything beautiful (music, art, clothing, homes, poetry). We are imitating the Creator. It is His nature to create (consider the variety in creation...who would have thought up the Moon and its phases?) and we're made in His image. That's all the reason we need. Cleared up a lot of utilitarian thinking for me...and there are some good homemaking ideas in there as well.

I apologize for these posts being a little random. I"ll end with some more pictures of my favorite little boy. :)

Update on the lil' buddy & prayer request

2007-10-15T13:10:00.000-07:00

He's gaining weight...last Thursday he was weighed and was 9 lbs, 9.5 oz. He's outgrowing his newborn diapers already and adding to his double chin :)

He's also colicky. He'll scream for a long time with gas, and when he finally gets it out, often falls asleep...just to wake up again in a half hour with gas again. It's nice that one of us (me) doesn't have to work in the mornings. If he's really fussy, I take him downstairs and rock and hold him until he quiets down...so Jeff can get a decent night's rest.
I start work next week. Yikes!

And a serious prayer request...please pray for one of my guitar students who was admitted to ICU last night. She had a bad headache and it worsened and affected her breathing until she needed to be on life support. Last I heard her condition was stabilizing but they still do not know what is causing this. She is one of my best students, diligent, smart and talented. Please pray for her today. She is heavy on my heart.

Random pictures

2007-10-06T06:32:00.000-07:00

Toes.

Recent pics of the cutie

2007-10-05T11:41:00.000-07:00

In his Moses basket. This is turning out to be one of the best most versatile baby things we have. He sleeps in it beside the bed, and during the day I take him downstairs in it.

Grandma and Grandpa came to visit. He loved being held by grandma.

EKG results

2007-10-01T13:28:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday we took Benjamin in to get his EKG. He pitched a royal fit for the nurse, but somehow she was able to get his blood pressure and put the electrodes on his chest. BP was normal, and the scan shows that he most likely has a premature atrial contraction. That is good news, since this kind of arrythmia usually disappears by 4 months of age. The doctor said there was a very, very small chance it could be something else, but in his experience this looked like a classic PAC. He told us not to lose any sleep over it. He said we could have Benjamin hooked up to a Holter monitor for 24 hours if we were still concerned, but it's really not necessary. So that's good news. :)

Also, I'm finally getting to the point where I can feed him without pain. It's not much exaggeration to say it felt like needles every time I nursed.

Jeff had to go back to work today because of several important meetings and projects, but someone from church came over to help watch the baby. It has been an adjustment working out a system here in our house after being in Gville for a week, but it's going smoother!

Leave it to dad to figure out that the "helpless little baby" is capable of a little more than I thought. :) He definitely responds to music, especially soft guitar music. It was Jeff's idea to try that. :) And when we put him in his bouncy seat yesterday, Jeff played with him until he could move the parrot that activates the lights and music. It was amazing to watch. It wasn't a coincidence...he kept reaching back over for more!

I'm sure every parent thinks their child is a genius, but for me it was just nice to know there's more going on in there than eat and sleep and spit up :D

Birth Story

2007-09-24T16:56:00.000-07:00

I figured I should write this all down before the sleep deprivation and memory loss really catches up! I'm afraid this turned into a lengthy tome. Read ahead if you want all the details; if not, scroll down and read the post below the pictures.

Friday the 21st, at 14 days late, I was dilated just a fingertip and was told to do a lot of walking. I could feel tightenings in my abdomen that were painless, but started noticing they were happening about every 5 minutes. We had supper, watched a Tim Allen movie to get the laughs (and contractions) going, and headed for bed around 11. I couldn't seem to settle down. Finally I got up to go to the bathroom and realized the contractions were starting to hurt a little. I started timing them and they were 3-4 minutes apart. I remember thinking, "that's weird, they're supposed to start at 7-10 minutes." I had this false hope that I was very close to delivery already, and this was going to be no problem! Little did I know!! We timed awhile and nothing changed, so I told Jeff to go to bed and I would try to sleep out on the couch. I sat there timing contractions, which never really changed all night from 30 seconds long, 2, 3, or 4 minutes apart. They weren't that painful but enough to keep me awake. I dozed in between. I didn't know then this would become a pattern for my entire labor. Sleep, wake, pains, sleep.

By morning they were getting a little worse and a little longer, more like 40 seconds, but still 3-4 minutes apart. I was able to get comfortable at first doing the "Bradley" side-lie, but then that soon hurt worse than standing or kneeling on the bed. Interesting...my pains never did "wrap" from the sides to front like they describe. They were always low and in front.

Around 10:00 I started wanting some reassurance that things were moving. I went in to the birthing center and they checked me...only 2 cms. The head also had not turned to engage into the pelvis. That was disappointing. Even though no one is trying to make you feel that way, you do feel like a wimp if you go in too early! At least now though the midwife and doctor knew how far along I was...they had several other births to work around that weekend too. The midwife told me to do some pelvic rocks and "hula hoops," sets of 50 during contractions, to help move his head down.

So, back home and more of the same, through lunch Saturday, very slowly increasing, but not in a regular pattern. Some contractions were 20 seconds, some 30, some 45, and times in between were 3, 4, 5 and 6 minutes. The longer the wait, the stronger and harder the contraction. The shorter the wait, easier and shorter the contraction. It sort of evened out. The exercises killed, but at least they gave me something else to focus on. I had to kneel on all fours while I did the pelvic rocks, and it was extremely uncomfortable to go from lying down to all fours. Jeff had the genius idea to prop up my head and torso on a stack of pillows in between, and then I could go up on my hands easily and quickly when the contractions came. For each contraction I would alternate pelvic rocks and hula hoops (the hula hoops actually gave some relief.)

I slept in between. Around 3:30 p.m. I wanted to call the midwife. Contractions were 45-60 seconds long and averaging 5 minutes apart. I called her and she told me she wanted to hear me on the phone during a contraction. (Whether or not you can carry on a conversation is a good indicator of how far you are.) I had heard of "adrenalin" stops to labor... nature's way of allowing you to escape danger. This is what happened to me on the phone. I started feeling pressured to produce a strong contraction, and instead had a short, weak one.... only 25 seconds. Of course she said I was not close to transition yet and should wait. I sounded undecided I guess so she told me to call back in 30 minutes. I called back in 20, having had the strongest contraction yet. She told me she only wanted to be cautious because, once in the birthing center, many women become disappointed when they find out they still have a ways to go. I wanted to head over and get settled, though, before the drive over became intolerable. The 15 minute drive over was bad enough! However, by some work of the angels, we had green lights the entire way, except for the two red lights where I had contractions. I remember seeing the people pass, looking bored or nonchalant, and feeling like we were in two different worlds.

We arrived there and hurried inside, because I knew I was due for another contraction. The place looked like Grand Central. An entire family was in the waiting room, and there were two other births occurring. I had a contraction as soon as I passed them, and waited it out by leaning on the stair rail.

It's hard to describe the feeling of a contraction, but it feels like your body is made of glass, and if you move even a muscle you will shatter into a million pieces. I wanted to stay as still as possible and put pressure on something hard with my hands. It's not a sharp pain, but a dull ache that is also intense.

As soon as a contraction passed, the doctor (an absolutely wonderful woman with a calm manner and sense of humor... can't even describe how great both the midwife and doctor were!) checked me and she and the midwife both seemed surprised and happy for me that I was 6 cm. and 90% effaced, and the baby's head was already at 0 station! I was relieved to hear I was getting somewhere! We settled into our room, a homey place with lace curtains and wood laminate floor. I sat in the rocking chair while Jeff and the doctor helped us get settled in...put our sheets on the bed, took out our birthing supplies and baby clothes... stuff we'd need afterward. It seemed unreal to me then that we would need the baby clothes. It just seemed like we were here to get help with a labor.

Things continued pretty much the same way. I liked the rocker, and also tried standing and leaning on Jeff, but standing wasn't as good as a position where I could relax every muscle. I wanted to try propped up sitting on the bed, but we'd forgotten to bring extra pillows, so I told Jeff I would be fine if he drove back to his mom's to get those, plus an extra blanket. While he was gone, I really figured out how to labor. When he returned I told him not to touch me or talk to me, but to just try to get some rest. I was glad he could, as he was falling asleep on his feet and sore from shifting me from position to position. I sat there in the rocking chair, dozing and breathing for hours. I used the exhaustion to help me relax, and looked forward to each period of unconsciousness in between. In a way I was "medicating" myself by checking out between each contraction. When I think about it, having a long and exhausting labor may have been the easiest way. I became too tired to fight the contractions... instead I relaxed everything I could and focused on long, deep breaths that I counted. COUNTING was the way I got through it. The contraction would start and I'd feel panicky. Instead, I focused on breathing to 5. Almost there. Now 10. By 20 or 25 I knew the contraction would peak and start to recede. To me, thinking that I could endure anything for "20 breaths" helped so much. This is what I did for the rest of the labor until transition... stayed in the rocking chair, looked forward to sleeping after the contraction, and counted breaths.

Transition was odd for me. Usually the most painful part, for me it was just the part where I felt like I had to yell. They weren't screams of pain... instead they were like the "kee-ai" yells of martial arts routines. Yelling and keeping my tones low kept me from hurting my throat and helped release the incredible energy. I even kind of had fun in a way with them, saying different things each time. I had about 5 "transition" contractions, and then started feeling them more in the back. After two or three of these, I really started to feel better. Before I felt so "made of glass" that every move was torture, even between contractions, and walking to the bathroom was incredibly slow (muscle at a time! Shift off the bed, take a step...like an arthritic old person!) After transition, I could walk around much more freely. The contractions were much farther apart now, but walking brought them on. Soon they started to feel like I might be able to push at the peak of the contraction. Then the whole thing began to feel like I might be able to push through. The midwife checked me quickly at this point, and told me, "oh, girl, you are ready! You're complete and ready to push." I wanted to try pushing on the bed, but the first one was pretty puny, and waiting for the next seemed like 10 minutes (not sure it was this long). My midwife was completely exhausted, having missed two nights of sleep and having just delivered one baby and transferred another woman to the hospital. She lay down on the bench while we waited for another one. She told me to try pushing on the toilet or birthing stool. The toilet felt good...birthing stool too. At this point, I felt excited and powerful and ready to muscle through it. It was hard at first to remember to hold my breath and bear down. The midwife reminded me to hold my breath and it went much better. The most exciting part was when I was pushing on the toilet and reached down to feel what I thought was a head. But it had a little give. It was actually the bag of waters. That was cool!! Seeing that progress made me even more determined. All this time the midwife and doctor left me alone and let me do my thing, just making suggestions occasionally. For me that was the perfect tactic, because I always felt in control and that I was "doing" this myself, not having something "done" to me. The first push I always seemed to forget how to do it right...by the next, I was better, and the third was the strongest...pushing with the power of the contraction. The fourth was usually hanging onto the end of the contraction and not as productive. Finally I reached down and felt the bag bulging quite a bit. I shouted, "I don't want to tear" and the midwife and Jeff got me on the bed where she could massage the perineum and assist. Grabbing my legs and pushing was hard to do! The last thing you want to do at that point is pull your legs back. However, with coaching from the doctor and midwife, I gradually started pushing that sucker out. All this time I felt totally lucid and part of me was realizing just how unreal and weird this was. They told me they could see his hair...lots of it. The bag of waters was very tough and they snipped it with scissors so they could get a grip on his head and help pull him out. I think with that last push they started to worry about his heartrate. I pushed hard through a contraction and the head was almost there. Stopping right there at the "ring of fire" was no picnic! Then the midwife told me very firmly just to go ahead and get him out, we needed to get him out (I'm assuming because his heartrate dropped). "Even with no contraction?" I asked. "Yes, just push. Now." Her words gave me the guts to do it...she wasn't panicking but just sure it would happen, and so then so was I. I gave it all I had. Having the head out was an incredible relief (and the closest to "cursing" I came...for some reason Jeff was really sure I'd lose it! What I actually said was "Oh, God," but it was an expression of wonder and amazement, not blasphemy!) It's hard to explain, but pushing the rest of that wet, slippery little body out actually felt good. Not just "an absence of pain" but positively good. The midwife and doctor went to work suctioning out his mouth, cleaning him with towels. The first thing I said as he came out was "he looks just like Jeff" and "he has dimples!" In full protest, mouth wide open, I could see two adorable identical dimples on each cheek. He was just beautiful. Actual pushing time was an hour and a half...much quicker than anything else in my puttering labor! The doctor pointed out that there was a loose knot in the cord, but nothing dangerous as the cord has a gel in it that is an automatic "anti-kink" mechanism. Jeff cut the cord, and we waited on the placenta, which came out on its own after a few gentle tugs and pushes on my stomach.

The instructions and observations after that were sort of a blurr to me. I was trying to listen but was so exhausted that I kind of zoned out. I knew Jeff would listen and remember. :) They had put a diaper on him and I was holding him on my chest, skin to skin. That was an amazing feeling. I remember thinking how big he was, to have come out of my belly that everyone kept telling me was unusually small! He was a decent-sized baby at 7 lbs. 11 oz, and had so much dark hair...and I couldn't get over that he was just a "little Jeffrey," just exactly. He showed no signs of postmaturity. He had known exactly when he was supposed to come out! Not wrinkled or shriveled, fingernails not all that long, though the skin on his calves and feet were ever so little bit peeled. He quieted down and opened his eyes a little and the midwife helped me get him nursing. It didn't take long and he was latched on. They left us alone for about an hour and a half, then Jeff went back with the doctor to measure and weigh him. It was so nice having all the equipment right there in the birthing center (which had been a house), and I knew they were just right there behind the curtain.

I had not torn at all, and I really felt ready to go very soon after he was born. The ladies suggested we all sleep a few hours (including them!) so we did. Benjamin was as tired as we were.

That's my birth story. I feel so grateful to the women who knew when to assist and when not to. They kept careful tabs on his heartrate and my progress but stayed out of the way when not needed. I had no doubts that I would be referred to hospital care if it were really necessary, so I didn't worry. My midwife is, if anything, more cautious than most OBs would be. She first noticed Benjamin's arrhthymia, and did not hesitate to refer me to Greenville Memorial to see if the heart structure was normal. After he was born, she again checked him out carefully, listening for a long time, then sent us home with instructions to watch him while he slept for signs of slowed heartbeat...blue around the lips for example, and to nudge him to get the heartrate going stronger (it evens out when he is active). She scheduled us for an echocardiogram later this week to investigate it further. I feel like we had such competent, personal and wise care.

We finally left the birthing center around 7 p.m. Sunday night...he had been born at 8:18 Sunday morning, and my entire labor (beginning from the first painful contractions) had been almost 33 hours.

The whole birth experience is already starting to seem unreal. But it was and is a positive, empowering experience. I took responsibility for the experience I wanted and the care I felt was best, and that does feel good. I can look back and see God's hand in all this. Jeff was the prime tool of God in us switching...he was sick of hearing me complain about the care I had been getting in what, to me, was a large and impersonal practice. The day we were to meet and hire a duola for our hospital birth, Jeff had the flu. Frustrated at missing this chance and the path things seemed to be taking, I could see no other option. Jeff said suddenly it was clear to him that we should just take the trip down and go with the midwife (before we thought distance was a problem). The distance suddenly didn't seem as big a problem as the problem I had with our current doctors! At the time we switched we had no clue about the arrhythmia or that I'd go so far postdates. Induction and possible drugs were not what I'd wanted, but would have surely been what we'd have gotten. God used circumstances and Jeff's wisdom to help us make the decision at the right time, and with minimal inconvenience...only a few drives down for prenatals before Benjamin's birth.

Praise God for all He's done and how good He's been to all of us. We give the glory back to Him for the little life He created and the wonderful birth experience He allowed us to have.

Pictures

2007-09-24T16:02:00.001-07:00

Benjamin has arrived!

2007-09-23T23:13:00.000-07:00

Benjamin Thomas Gray was born Sunday, Sept. 23rd, at 8:18 in the morning. He weighs 7 lbs. 11 oz, and is 21 unches long. It was a long labor...almost 33 hours, but worth every minute. I had a wonderful birth experience and will write about it as soon as I get a chance! Benjamin looks just like Jeff...dark hair and dimples.
We are so thankful for a beautiful, healthy baby boy!

I'm a little slow in posting pictures right now, so if you want to see some, Jeff's posted some on his blog.

Early Labor

2007-09-21T20:08:00.000-07:00

It's started...the pains aren't bad yet but uncomfortable enough that I can't sleep. It figures that they started close to midnight. I guess my doctor and midwife are not going to get a lot of rest! It feels a lot better if I sit up or walk around...lying down makes it worse.

It's weird to me that the contractions are still 4-5 minutes apart. The only difference is that they hurt now. I had been having painless contractions every 5 minutes while walking around the neighborhood. We came in, had dinner and watched a funny movie, then slowly headed to bed. I tried to read awhile, but couldn't focus and was feeling talkative. I got up to get some water and realized the contractions were starting to hurt. I am so glad l we don't have a 2 hour drive ahead of us!

It is nice that nature gives you a break in between contractions. In between, there is really no pain and I feel fine.

It may be a while so Jeff is trying to sleep. I'm hoping he can get some rest in the next hour or two.

Finally some progress!

2007-09-21T11:57:00.001-07:00

I was totally prepared to list my reasons against induction and have a serious of talk about things, but it ended up being much easier than I thought. Before I had to say a word the doctor that works with my midwife told us that, looking at my charts and considering everything, she thought it best to wait. The check showed 2 cms. dilated and the baby's head much farther down. She did strip my membranes (didn't hurt like I thought it would) and I got some "show" afterward...a good indication. The arrhythmia didn't show up today in the non-stress-test, and everything is looking really good. And the headache I've had for the last few days is almost gone (after I got some caffeine in my system from Port City Java.)
So it's looking like we'll have a baby pretty soon! I'm supposed to do some walking and see what happens. It's good news that, just two days ago, I was less than a cm. and now I'm at 2. Also I'm having more contractions this morning than I've had all week. They don't hurt yet, but seem more regular.
Honestly my worst fears were 1) having to decide about induction and 2) getting the prospect of waiting another whole week! I'm relieved that it looks like neither of those is going to happen.
Thank you so much for your prayers up to now.

2 weeks overdue

2007-09-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

Two weeks overdue today, but I just can't bring myself to be panicked for Benjamin's health when he's moving like a little jumping bean! Every time I eat something he goes crazy. I feel fine, Benjamin seems fine, so just because it's the magical "2 weeks" date I want to be careful not to be panicked to get things started. Caucasian women tend to carry longer than 40 weeks. In France, the length of pregnancy is considered 42 weeks.
I've been told that "I would already have my baby by now" if I were at a hospital. Well, maybe so and maybe not. I have heard enough stories of 36-hour failed inductions when the cervix is not a good way there already. It's not unheard of for women to come back for three all-day sessions of Pitocin, only to have nothing happen (except a lot of unnecessary pain). I might have my baby by now, yes, but it might be because the doctors got tired of waiting and performed a C-section.
My thinking is that, if there is no emergency, why let a passing date dictate what you do? I meet with my doctor and midwife tomorrow to discuss moving things along. If there are no medical reasons to induce (aging placenta, low fluid levels, preclampsia), then I see no reason to interfere. The interventions themselves carry risks. Cytotec, the ulcer drug that is used off-label for induction, is not approved by the FDA and has caused uterine rupture (and maternal and fetal death in some cases). In fact, the producer of the drug issued an official warning against using it for induction, but it is still used because of its low cost and quick results. Cervidil is a better choice but carries the same small risks of uterine rupture. Pitocin, unlike the other two, can be more easily regulated...but then again it only causes contractions, doesn't soften the cervix, so it may not work if the cervix is not already ripe.
I am open to doing another ultrasound to see if all is still well in there. I keep thinking...if my date of conception was a bit later than we thought, and I tend to be a longer carrier, Benjamin might just be right on time.

update

2007-09-19T08:21:00.000-07:00

13 days late and still no baby, but had an appointment this morning & found out I am a fingertip dilated, the head is lower, and the cervix is much thinner.
We've tried just about all the "natural" labor stimulants, (including eating a whole pineapple!) We've tried the evening primrose oil for 6 days in a row now. Today my midwife told me to take a mixture of black & blue cohosh every 20 minutes, pump, and go for a walk. I'm supposed to call back in 3 hours to report any changes. If this doesn't work, we'll try the castor oil, and if that fails, a ripening agent.
I hope this works!

Monday "blues"

2007-09-17T10:23:00.000-07:00

Day 11: Today I'd think this whole pregnancy thing has been a hoax, except for the little feet sticking out of my side occasionally and the feeling of heaviness. This morning was cool and crisp...one of those first days that hint at fall and beckon you outside. I took a long walk in the neighborhood, following the road that winds back through quiet residences nestled far back in the trees. There are some woods and fields and a lake. Beautifully varied morning glories in hues of baby blue, purple and lavender cover the old fence by someone's donkey pasture. There were little white flowers in the shade with a camphor-like perfume. Yellow bitterweed added sunshine to the shadows, and I found a ripe persimmon, just fallen. A huge ugly vulture circled over, maybe wondering if this lone, slow-moving pregnant lady was going to topple over anytime soon! Not today...I was feeling too full of the glory of creation and the life inside. This feeling of peace has to be supernatural...probably a result of many prayers!
I called in this morning to cancel my piano lessons. Jeff's working on design stuff for work and I'm going to settle down with a book. Reading internet stories of late babies and hearing that Jeff was 12 days late have made me realize I'm not the only one. I do understand how some people can say that "an overdue pregnancy is the worst form of mental torture" and I'd probably feel that way if I were at home alone, but as it is having a change of scenery and seeing friends and family have helped so, very much. I feel supported and loved, and not rushed to produce a baby.
To contrast peaceful feelings now, I was pretty depressed driving up to Greenville. I'd finished my teaching week, made final arrangements at the house, and now we wouldn't come back again unless we came with a baby. I'm not sure why that bothered me, but maybe it was sort of saying "goodbye" to life as just me and Jeff. As it turns out I'm enjoying being here and the stress gone from not worrying about a 2-hour drive is pretty significant.
In conclusion, God is good and I'm feeling at peace with my body and with Benjamin. After all he's healthy and kicking. He's just not quite ready to meet the world, and I'm sure he and God have their reasons. When it's time, it will happen, just like the beautiful fall weather that arrived today.

thoughts

2007-09-15T18:06:00.000-07:00

Just wondering if anyone else remembers experiencing this. For the last week or so I've had strong Braxton Hicks after dinner. I get excited thinking "maybe tonight" but they go away once I lie down, and by morning not a trace!

Thinking we'd have a baby by now Jeff and I didn't pack any Sunday clothes. Maybe we'll spend the morning praying for Benjamin and the upcoming birth and just enjoying some quiet time together. With all my impatience, I realize we're going to miss being just us soon. It will be harder to make time to just talk or pray together.

It is comforting to know God's been control of when we conceived, Benjamin's health and growth, and everything else from the beginning of this pregnancy. I'm trying not to be a control freak and obsess about which day He's chosen us to become parents.

I said goodbye to my parents tonight...they leave first thing in the morning. I'm sorry they didn't get to meet the baby but maybe it's just as well, as they'd just have had a lot of nerve-wracking waiting to do if I had gone into labor and not much to do to help.

I hope to be able to post some news soon. :)

...

2007-09-15T05:09:00.000-07:00

Still waiting! I think he really wants to share my parents' anniversary or Dayton's birthday.

Update

2007-09-14T07:05:00.000-07:00

Still waiting! Last night I thought it might be the real thing, since after dinner I was having some pretty strong Braxton Hicks, but they went away and this morning I'm feeling fine.

Yesterday at my appointment I found out I am not dilated at all (it is normal to walk around for a couple of weeks dilated 1-2 cm, but not me!). The arrhythmia was especially pronounced yesterday, so the midwife called in an ultrasound to check on that, measure amniotic fluid and check the placenta grade. The placenta ages after a time and becomes less efficient at nourishing the baby. Again they said the heart structure seems normal, and though they couldn't get an entirely good look at the aorta because his ribs were obstructing the view, the overall report was reassuring. They hooked me up to the fetal monitor for a long time to observe the heartrate. Again they said the results were as expected, and also told me I was having some light contractions. Apparently I can't feel them! The heart structure is normal, but the nervous system is not yet regulating the beats perfectly. It should disappear shortly after birth, but we'll have it checked out afterward if not. The amniotic fluid levels were normal, and placenta grade was good. They estimated his weight at 7 lbs, 13 oz. There is not really a question that my dates are wrong. He's just taking an extra week or so to be ready.

I'm taking evening primrose oil, which can sometimes move things along.

We're staying here in Greenville for the next few days with Jeff's mom, since Jeff is working from home. My parents are here since they can't visit after this Saturday night. I'll spend some time with them while Jeff works.

We are praying that Benjamin will come before Sunday, for so many reasons...parents being here, friends leaving the country Monday, and the dilemma of deciding whether to go back to Atlanta or not. I get 4 weeks off and would hate to waste one just waiting. If nothing is happening by Sunday night, I will feel like I need to go back and teach another three days. It would be nice not to have to do that! :)

Come on, kid.

2007-09-09T20:16:00.000-07:00

Benjamin's taking his sweet time, which everyone tells me is normal for a first baby. I'm only three days late, but it doesn't take long to start thinking "what if I have two more weeks of this??" Sitting in church today was very uncomfortable. I didn't play for the church choir...since this was probably my last Sunday for a while, I was looking forward to sitting with Jeff. But I'd forgotten how hard it is now to sit still for any length of time. Benjamin's legs were pushing on my ribs and I really wanted to stand up or stretch out on a couch.

I went to a shower for Andrea Barnard, a grad school friend, two days after my due date. That made me feel better. If you're overdue and feeling decent, get out and do things. I was driving myself crazy just sitting around the house waiting for something to happen!

I'm actually kind of thankful that I have to teach tomorrow...it will keep my mind occupied. I am praying that Benjamin will not be later than the 15th. My mom really wants to come up to Greenville shortly after the birth, and my aunt will be gone the 16th & unable to relieve her from taking care of my grandma. However, this too is in God's hands...He knows best. And in any case, I am thankful for the miracle that's about to happen, whenever it happens. :)