If you can't sleep, blog...

A mug of coffee that I worked on throughout the day is responsible for this update, which I'm writing at 2 a.m. :)

It's been a couple of months since my last post. Lydia is now 3 months old and starting to sit up a little, grasp at things, and is smiling the sweetest, most friendly smile. She still loves her bath, gets wide-eyed with excitement (and probably some alarm, as well) when Benjamin's around, and is thankfully settling happily into the fall schedule. We had a bout with her refusing the bottle but it only lasted a couple days.

The music academy is back into full swing and I'm teaching 3 days a week, about 5 hours each day (plus another hour for travel time). I'm blessed with an excellent advanced student this year and have been enjoying hearing some of the more difficult repertoire (some Gershwin, Debussy, Mozart, Grieg...beautiful stuff), and also enjoying the little beginners and the various levels in between...plus my faithful guitar students, many of whom have been with me going on three years. I learn so much from them and enjoy the interaction with each one. I was remarking to Jeff the other day how much fun all my students are this year. They are so disciplined, dedicated and friendly and are just a pleasure to work with. I've had the other kind, too, so that makes me extra thankful!

We had a few weeks of extreme excitement for us Hobbit-like homebodies...a houseguest from the wilds of New Zealand (not actually sure he's from the wilds, actually he's from Wellington, but he was still quite an exotic native to us). John is a friend of Jeff's cousin and came highly recommended to us as a houseguest in need of a place to stay while he conducted research at Emory. He's studying modern literature and pursuing his doctorate, and Emory houses a collection of works by the poet he's studying. It worked out perfectly for Jeff to take him with him to work since he drives right past Emory. It was a little crazy that John's coming coincided with the first week of Academy lessons and a visit to the pediatrician gone horribly wrong (more on that later), but things settled in eventually and we enjoyed having him here very much.

The terrible twos have begun a little early. Benjamin, my sweet, obedient, sensitive child (ok, sometimes he is) pitched a quite impressively long fit in the doctor's office. Lydia was there for a checkup, and either Benjamin did not like a stranger touching his "Lydda," or he just didn't like the attention she was getting...I'm not sure. In any case, he screamed, raged, balled up his little fists, and generally conducted himself like a drunken Irishman. The visit ended with a lecture about keeping Lydia safe from her brother and me close to tears and ready to give Benjamin the "talk" of his life. I've since learned that children have a remarkable gift for saving any unsociable behavior to the place where it will have the most effect, i.e., in public in an already tense situation (Lydia screaming, perfect time to do something crazy!)

I've been learning that mothering two children is incredibly sweet and rewarding, and also that I need God's help like I never needed it before. I'm also learning what to let go and what is absolutely not important, such as the dusting that has not been done since Lydia was born. I'm trying to remind myself every day that it is the time spent with the kids they will remember, not whether Mom had her act completely together.

Even with the two kids and the chaos that ensues, I've found some time to rediscover and learn some Debussy pieces and start reading The Chronicles of Narnia in Spanish...a fun way to keep up the Spanish skills that have been rapidly disappearing since college. I need to find more time for Bible reading as well, and somewhere in there I should fit in another mothering/childcare book. But if it gets done, it gets done...not stressing about anything if I can avoid it.

So...that's my caffeine-induced blogpost for the month. :)

Adjusting

Lydia at 3 weeks, already 10 lbs. 8 oz.












Sweet girl.












Benjamin helps with the bath.












Getting used to caring for two little ones definitely has its challenges. It's workable, though, and Benjamin has really risen to the occasion and is becoming a big boy before my eyes.

The night I went into labor Benjamin went to bed without a fuss and this trend has (pretty much) continued. He seems to understand that I can't hold him as much, and though it sometimes makes him sad that I can't hold two kids, he doesn't fuss too much about it. He loves Lydia and gets this protective, adoring smile on his face when he first sees her in the morning. He loves to give her kisses on the head. Don't get me wrong, he also sometimes wants to sit on her. (To keep her company.) But generally he's turning out to be a sweet big brother.

Lydia is still an easy baby most of the time, though she's showed us in the last few weeks that she's not exactly an Angel Baby. Still, she responds to comforting, and when she's out of control all she needs is a good tight swaddling. She is still sleeping 5 hours through the night with no fussing. Jeff and I are both getting more sleep than we did in Benjamin's early days.

The prospect of taking both kids with me anywhere is frankly pretty frightening to me. I had been freaking out all week that today I needed to take Lydia in for a hearing test at a Children's Rehab center 30 minutes away. As it turned out, Jeff had a doctor's appointment this morning and went into work late, so he watched Benjamin for me. I'm still not sure how that first "both kids" outing is going to pan out. I did get brave and took both of them for a walk around the neighborhood this morning. Benjamin held onto the stroller and pretended to push while Lydia slept. He did great. She did great. I was actually wearing makeup and jeans instead of pjs. It was a huge self-image boost. :D

I almost forgot a big piece of news...potty training has begun! It's the absolute worst timing according to the books...new baby and upheaval and all that...but Benjamin himself started it. He pulled off his diaper one day and I decided to see how he did going diaperless while he was downstairs. (There is no carpet to ruin.) He went right to the potty when I suggested it and used it. He continued that the rest of the day and there were no messes as long as I reminded him. We've had a few accidents since then because I'm now trying underwear, and he sometimes forgets if he's wearing a diaper or undies, but I think we're well on our way to buying diapers for only one child....hooray!

Birth Story

This time around I really thought I'd have a repeat of Benjamin's birth story, but things took a turn and it ended quite differently!

Once again, I found myself waiting and waiting for labor to begin. This time though, I was operating under a deadline, since the doctor that previously worked with my midwife was no longer at the center, and the midwife could not make the decision on her own to let me go postdates. As the date got closer, she reassured me that if I went over, I could finish my labor at the center after being induced at the hospital. The other option was getting one of her consulting physicians to change my dates, though this was unlikely since I had had an early ultrasound.

I was praying hard that Lydia would come in time, and trying everything possible to make it happen. If black and blue cohosh were addictive, I'd be a user by now! I did the every-twenty-minutes regimen for three hours at a time, on three different occasions. I used evening primrose oil every night for the last week. I also got myself into shape with the treadmill, evening and morning walks, and hikes. I explored every aisle in the local Walmart. I mowed the lawn. All this activity had me working up a sweat, but no contractions worth mentioning.

My midwife kept saying she'd like me and Jeff to come in to the center to try an all-morning routine of natural induction measures. That sounded like it might work, but it kept being postponed due to her packed schedule of problem patients and births. She simply couldn't fit it in. Saturday of my 42nd week passed, then Sunday. I knew Tuesday would be the magic 42 weeks, and we'd need to schedule an induction on Monday. I talked with my midwife on Monday morning. "Well, today's your day," she said. She recommended the cohosh, pumping and walking for 3 hours, and also getting a chiropractic adjustment in case the baby was hung up somehow and not engaging the pelvis. I practically ran on the treadmill for the 3 hours, talking to Lydia the whole time about how we needed to get going. Then I went to the chiropractor, who told me my hips were tilted very far forward and misaligned. I called my midwife again that afternoon to report the lack of progress and she told me to try the last resort....castor oil. I took half the dosage around 4 pm and the other half at 5.

Nothing happened...no diarrhea or nausea...but by evening (around 8:30) while watching Cars with Benjamin, I noticed some light contractions. After putting him to bed at 9:30 I realized they were regular. Nah, it can't be, I thought. I've spent the last three weeks imagining my Braxton Hicks are labor. I went to bed and tried to sleep but was too uncomfortable.

So I settled in the living room for an all-night vigil. I was familiar with this from Benjamin's birth. Just like before, contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and just hard enough to keep me from sleeping. I did a lot of internet surfing and some pacing. Around midnight I had some slight effects from the castor oil but nothing like the horror stories I'd heard. I started reading up on false labor for some reason and learned that some women have slightly painful, non-productive contractions (enough to disrupt sleep) for weeks before labor. Many midwives suggested taking Nyquil or a little wine to allow sleep. Finally I decided this was exactly what I was experiencing (false labor) and quit worrying and tried to sleep. I drifted off around 5 a.m. and was awakened by sounds in the kitchen around 7. I realized my contractions had stopped completely. At least I had SOME news to tell my midwife, though. I called her and she told me to come in at 9 for yet another adjustment with a chiropractor specialist.

We went and I had the adjustment. After that I had an appointment with my midwife and she told me, to my great surprise, that I was at 5 cm. and had a very favorable cervix. That was encouraging...it had been a relatively painless trip to 5 cm.! However, we still needed to reckon with my completely stopped labor. She told us to check in and start doing cohosh and walking again. She also brought out an electric double breast pump. Jeff and I jokingly called it The Inducer. (That thing worked so well that I expressed half an ounce of bright orange colostrum.) The contractions started again around 12 noon, but I had to work to get each one by walking very vigorously and pumping. They were 10 minutes apart and weak. These continued but gradually whittled down to 8 minutes apart over the next 5 hours. By 5:45 I was exhausted and convinced that I was just in false labor and would never progress. I felt so discouraged and the accumulated stress of waiting and wondering every day for the previous month (ever since my false labor episode) seemed to settle like a black cloud over me. I was tired of doing things to make labor happen. I just gave up and decided I needed a nap and didn't care what happened afterward.

That's when things took a turn. My theory is that the hormones from a good, relaxing cry, combined with nightfall coming on (my midwife has theories about that one) kicked things into gear. Perhaps too, simply giving up control of the labor experience helped. My next two contractions were only 5 minutes apart.

The contractions became gradually longer, stronger and less far apart over the next two hours. At first I liked the rocking chair (same good ol' chair I spent so many hours in during labor with Benjamin) and did well there. I got very cold at one point and had Jeff cover me up. The midwife came in and checked on me and warmed up a blanket in the dryer for me. Things were finally starting to happen.

This time counting through contractions didn't appeal to me. My sensations of the actual point of pain of the contraction were so much clearer this time. I didn't feel a general area of pain; instead it was almost like I could visualize my cervix being stretched. I felt and thought of them as muscle stretches and visualized the "turtleneck" image of the cervix coming over the baby's head. The contractions were quite strong, but not sharply painful.

Then transition began. I had been chatting with the midwife and Jeff between contractions and simply stopping to close my eyes when contractions came. So far I hadn't made a peep and was coping just fine though they were strong. Transition hit and it was like riding a fast-moving escalator. 2 minutes apart with a 1 minute contraction, then quickly 1:30 with a one minute, and then they were coming with one minute of hard pain and one of rest. I was too immobile in the chair and felt I needed gravity to assist me. I stood up and put my arms around Jeff's neck in the "labor dance" position. I couldn't talk at all and moaned softly through each one. Then I felt I needed to get on all fours to relax my legs and let my abdomen be loose. I crawled onto the bed and had five agonizing contractions. Jeff was about to get the midwife, but before he could go I felt a sudden pop and was soaked to my knees...my water broke all over the bed! That gave temporary relief but I knew now this labor was out of control and would be happening very quickly. Jeff ran to get the midwife from the next room and by then I was writhing, "in the throes" as she put it. Unlike my rational and somewhat detached state of mind at Benjamin's birth, I was laboring this time in a confusing whirlwind. I learned at that point that there are many different kinds of labors!! This one was a wild ride that was happening way too fast. I didn't want anyone to touch me, but I knew they had to clean up the water and get rid of my soaking pjs. That got done and then the dreaded check. When she said I was ready to push, I wasn't at all surprised. Transition had lasted about 20 minutes. There was some conversation about needing to call someone named Jessica and bringing the camera and I just really wished everyone would hush and let me concentrate. They asked if we wanted pictures, and in an effort to end the annoyance of conversation I said "Sure." (I wasn't sure I wanted the pictures, but probably later we'll be glad we have them!)

Pushing was not the strong, empowering feeling I experienced with Benjamin's birth. It was a desperate attempt to end this crazy labor! The first few contractions were so strong I couldn't remember to push effectively and pushed all up in my chest. After some eye-to-eye refocusing and coaching from the midwife I did better. I don't think I'll ever forget the animal intensity of pushing through the 5 contractions it took to get the baby's head out. Somewhere in there she checked the baby's heartbeat, and, horrifyingly, it was weak and very unsteady. I registered that clearly in all the labor noise and thought, "That's it...she's coming out. No holding back." I pushed HARD...I'm not even sure I had a contraction, I just pushed back to back for all I was worth. Jeff was a wonderful encouragement here. He kept telling me, "almost there...there's her head...you're doing great..." If he hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known when her head was out, because it didn't feel much different. The midwife told me, "now on this next one, you're done." It was actually kind of hard to get the body out, instead of the effortless slippery slide that was Benjamin.

So, she was out, covered with vernix and with a head full of thick, black hair. I felt her little limbs and couldn't think much past "that was crazy, and now I feel fine, just like that!" Things went from a life-and-death intensity to complete calm in a split second. It took me a few minutes to come down from the adrenaline. I was wide awake and wanted to see the cord and the placenta and everything. Lydia came out completely calm and alert and started nursing right away. She's a quiet, easy-going baby with nothing like the volume Benjamin showed the minute he came out and ever since then! She seemed completely unaffected by all the hullaballoo of a bumpy labor.

It wasn't until afterward that my midwife told me how amazed she was at my luck, or rather how blessed I had been. Lydia was a posterior presentation, facing the wrong way (face toward my belly instead of toward my back). All the textbooks say this presentation is usually accompanied by severe back labor and a very long pushing time. I had not a hint of back labor, and a far quicker pushing time than my previous anterior birth. And even with the difficult presentation, I had not torn in the least.

I feel very fortunate considering the details of this birth. I got the peaceful, unmedicated birth I wanted, just in the nick of time. Though the fact that Lydia was posterior could have caused complications and prolonged pushing time, it did not seem to affect my labor at all, and pushing time was anything but prolonged. I should have torn with a posterior baby, but fared even better than with Benjamin....not even a scratch. I can't say anything except that God is good and merciful to me when I don't deserve it. My birth experience follows in the theme of the biography of John Newton: God's providence, and His delight in pulling back the curtain just a little to show us what potential problems He is protecting us from. I know he had me wait until the last minute so He could show me His mercy toward me and care for me. My midwife told me later that she had been praying for me, and God gave her peace that I would not go postdates and all would be well. Thus her confidence in telling me "today's your day!" I don't doubt that sometimes God in His providence has us go through painful situations we would rather avoid, and when that happens He also gives us grace to handle it, and shows us things about Himself that we couldn't have learned any other way. But other times He just breaks in on our worry and dilemma with clear sunshine, like fog lifting, and makes us wonder at our lack of faith.

Praise You God for a wonderful, crazy, powerful birth after such a long season of waiting. The little girl you gave us was well worth the wait!

Early Labor

I'm not sure if it was the herbs this morning, or the chiropractic adjustment, or the castor oil (which has not yet affected my stomach b/t/w) but I am in early labor. I sang Benjamin to sleep around 9:15 and he made not a peep...unusual for him. Then I started to notice the contractions were fairly regular.
Not one day too soon. :)
Yay for no induction. They're 30 seconds long and only about 3 minutes apart, but I learned my first time around that that doesn't mean anything. I tend to start out with very little time between.
Baby Lydia will be here soon!

13 days late

Today I took black and blue cohosh again every 20 minutes while walking fast on the treadmill...kept this up for 3 hours. Then at the suggestion of my midwife I went in to a chiropractor for an adjustment to help align the spine and pelvis, allowing the baby to move down further.
Tonight I took castor oil in two doses...2 oz. with orange juice and a pinch of baking soda, followed by crackers. I did one dose at 4 and the other at 5. Nothing's happening yet. It would be too funny...okay, not funny...if I have absolutely no reaction to castor oil!

11 days late

Tried taking blue and black cohosh tinctures today to speed things along. Took 2,000 ml of each with a swish of water, every 20 minutes, while also walking and pumping. I did this for 3 hours. I got a few contractions out of the deal, but alas, nothing that felt stronger than anything I would have gotten exercising normally. Cohosh is nasty stuff!

We did have a nice complimentary dinner (thanks MIL!) at Cracker Barrel tonight and I had the spicy grilled fish, and the yummy fried apples. There's nothing quite like a no-holds-barred, buttered-up, down-home meal.

Tuesday is 42 weeks and "time's up" for a nice peaceful birthing center delivery. Tomorrow I try the dreaded castor oil...though at this point I'm wondering if it will have any effect! At least if I need to be medically induced, I can finish up my labor at the center. At this point I'm really ready to have it over with!

Yay, no surgery.

Jeff's infection started responding to the third dose of antibiotics, so it looks like surgery will not be necessary. They said it was most likely MRSA so I'm relieved it's not so resistant to antibiotics to be untreatable. He has another checkup next Monday.
I see my midwife tomorrow so we'll see what's going on with the baby (or not going on). Tomorrow she'll be a week late.

Strange Turn of Events!

It should be interesting to see how the timing of everything plays out...

On the way to Gville Friday night, Jeff noticed that his elbow felt kind of sore. He didn't think much of it but the aching started to get worse through the evening and it turned red and swollen. Mom G and I were looking concerned so he figured he'd better go to the emergency room. We thought it might be a spider bite, because he had a couple of pin-prick marks on his elbow.

Hoping it wasn't a brown recluse (especially after seeing the gross pictures on the medical help site), he went in and was told it was an infection of the cells in his skin. The bite marks were old, so if a spider had bitten him, he would have noticed something much earlier. They prescribed a mild antibiotic and told him to use a marker to circle the area so he could tell if it had spread.

By this morning it had doubled in size and was still hot to the touch and fiery red. He kept taking the meds hoping they would help, but by dinner it was no better so he went in again.

The attending physician has had the same exact problem (even in his arm) and diagnosed it as a staph infection that may have been caused by a bug bite (carrying the staph germs) or even by bumping his arm. Probably the bug bite since he has those little holes in his elbow. They gave him much stronger antibiotics through an IV and he's taking more orally. And, he has to schedule surgery later this week with an orthopedic surgeon to remove the inflammation on the bursa. Thankfully the infection has not spread to the lymph nodes, which could be really dangerous.

Now for the providence part, which we didn't even think of until we prayed together tonight!

Jeff just happened to notice it on his way to Gville, where he could have some help and be with family. If it had happened in Atlanta, he probably first of all wouldn't have gone to the emergency room and second of all would have had no help with the surgery etc. I would have worried myself sick :) and he may have ended up having surgery in Atlanta while I had the baby here...crazy!

The doctor attending Jeff had the same exact problem and diagnosed it quickly. He also was a friend and colleague of Jeff's uncle. Talk about expert and personal care.

The baby is late, which (may) turn out to be a convenient thing. Still waiting for the verdict on that one and whether or not surgery will coincide with birthing...please no :) But there is already so much evidence that God's hand is in this that I can't really worry about that.

Though I've been second-guessing my wisdom in coming out to Greenville to wait for a birth, now I am VERY glad we are where we are, and will have Jeff's mother to help us out! With Jeff partly incapacitated and Benjamin being as active as he is....well, it's just working out very well. And, I'm even thankful we came up as early as we did, much as I've felt a bit displaced and homesick. Benjamin has had plenty of time to adjust his high-strung little temperament to living at Grandma's and they're becoming best of friends.

We've both been reading a biography of John Newton (writer of Amazing Grace). One of the themes of his life was God's providence, and he often used examples of it in his own life to encourage others and to thank God. He said that, even when we think things are going fine and we have nothing to fear, God is protecting us in myriads of ways. Every so often He pulls back the curtain just an inch so we can see how much His goodness is guiding and planning and putting a hedge about us. I can honestly thank God for this situation because it reminds me of His care for us.