Day 11: Today I'd think this whole pregnancy thing has been a hoax, except for the little feet sticking out of my side occasionally and the feeling of heaviness. This morning was cool and crisp...one of those first days that hint at fall and beckon you outside. I took a long walk in the neighborhood, following the road that winds back through quiet residences nestled far back in the trees. There are some woods and fields and a lake. Beautifully varied morning glories in hues of baby blue, purple and lavender cover the old fence by someone's donkey pasture. There were little white flowers in the shade with a camphor-like perfume. Yellow bitterweed added sunshine to the shadows, and I found a ripe persimmon, just fallen. A huge ugly vulture circled over, maybe wondering if this lone, slow-moving pregnant lady was going to topple over anytime soon! Not today...I was feeling too full of the glory of creation and the life inside. This feeling of peace has to be supernatural...probably a result of many prayers!
I called in this morning to cancel my piano lessons. Jeff's working on design stuff for work and I'm going to settle down with a book. Reading internet stories of late babies and hearing that Jeff was 12 days late have made me realize I'm not the only one. I do understand how some people can say that "an overdue pregnancy is the worst form of mental torture" and I'd probably feel that way if I were at home alone, but as it is having a change of scenery and seeing friends and family have helped so, very much. I feel supported and loved, and not rushed to produce a baby.
To contrast peaceful feelings now, I was pretty depressed driving up to Greenville. I'd finished my teaching week, made final arrangements at the house, and now we wouldn't come back again unless we came with a baby. I'm not sure why that bothered me, but maybe it was sort of saying "goodbye" to life as just me and Jeff. As it turns out I'm enjoying being here and the stress gone from not worrying about a 2-hour drive is pretty significant.
In conclusion, God is good and I'm feeling at peace with my body and with Benjamin. After all he's healthy and kicking. He's just not quite ready to meet the world, and I'm sure he and God have their reasons. When it's time, it will happen, just like the beautiful fall weather that arrived today.
7 comments:
I remember that feeling really well. I told my mom almost the exact same thing. "It's a cruel hoax. I will be pregnant forever. Never will it end. And when it's over, there won't be a baby. And it doesn't matter almost. It will be such a relief not to be pregnant any more." She just laughed at me. :)
My suggestion is to take a nap if you can get comfortable. Everyone told me to do that, and I didn't really. I regret it very much now. I got 4 hours of sleep in the 48 after the baby was born and have only slept through the night a few times since then. Naps are your best friends.
Your description of your walk sounds beautiful.
It is a sense of sadness in a way when you know that these moments are the last you get before kids. Hard to remember now LOL
You're doing great Em
I agree with Erin, your walk sounded absolutely delightful. You have a wonderful perspective and being very patient. When I was 10+ days past due with Trevor and legs/ankles that were swollen beyond belief I cried every night. I kept telling myself "labor will not be as bad as the pain I feel now and I will hold my baby soon!" I guess Trevor wanted to gain more weight before meeting his big brothers and sister being he was 10.7lbs! So yes, God has a special perfect birth day picked out for your son Benjamin. Yes it will no longer be just the two of you, but you will still have your special moments together praying and talking and a little bundle to join you. I don't miss the only us days... I like our group bundle days! :)
Praying for you throughout the day: either you are in labor or that God will put you in labor! Keep being strong!
Letisha (you can remind me all of this when I am way past my due date in December...!)
Julie, I'm going to take your advice and get a nap before dinner! That walk and a trip to the store did make me tired. I know I'll miss naptime later.
Erin...life does have a way of moving on. I wouldn't want it to be just me & Jeff forever, so it's hard to explain the nostalgia, but glad you understand.
Letisha...can you email me so I have your email address? For some reason since I'm accessing email through webmail it's not popping up. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions about being overdue, big babies etc.
I emailed you my email address.
Letisha
So beautifully written-wish I couldn've been on that fall walk w/you, though you described it so well, I thought I was.
Overjoyed that you're at peace now and that you have decided to stay in Greenville. Even driving 30 min. in heavy labor is no fun. :-)
Love you, chickie!
okay, guessing that no news is good news? Or you are quiet from still waiting...
Praying lots for ya,
Letisha
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